Arachnids on an Armidale Class Patrol Boat
by HotChilliGriffin
Summary: Exactly what the title says it is. What more do you want?
1. Chapter 1

Dedicated to the AAFWSS :-)

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 1**

XO Kate McGregor didn't hear about the situation until shortly after midday, almost twenty minutes after the whole thing kicked off. She had been on watch during the night, and when she woke up, she had aimed straight for the galley to find some lunch – or a very late breakfast. When she arrived, RO was telling Bomber about the catastrophe in the bridge.

He was speaking very fast and Kate only heard every second word, so after a moment she had to ask.

"RO, what the hell is going on? I heard something about Spider being on the ceiling," she said, brow furrowed. Whatever it was, she thought the CO would be able to handle it, but she should probably check it out anyway.

RO jumped when he realised she was behind him. Then he made a facial expression that was rather close to blushing.

"Uh, ma'am... not Spider. A spider. In the bridge. On the ceiling," he said, looking at Bomber for assistance.

"As of yet, no-one's been able to get rid of it," Bomber added. Kate raised an eyebrow, and the chef shrugged. "I would, you know... but I need to start on lunch."

"Assuming they don't all get eaten before they can eat," RO muttered, and Kate laughed slightly. It was an unusual sound for them to hear her make on board, and when Bomber glanced at her strangely, she laughed harder.

"RO, what sort of spider is it? I don't think they're in any danger, even if it _is_ poisonous," she eventually said, composing herself.

"Umm... how should I know?" he replied blankly. "Didn't you ever see _Snakes on a Plane?_ This is, like, _Spiders on a Ship_. They could do all sorts of damage if they started crawling into the engines, or worse, the radio."

"Uh, RO? You said one spider. Not a horde of them," Bomber pointed out.

"We've only _seen_ one," RO muttered. "But seriously... it could have laid eggs. Or it might have just hatched, and there's another five million of them running around... Or even both. It just hatched, and then it and each of it's arachnid brethren laid their own eggs. Like I said – Spiders on a ship."

"Bugs on a boat," Bomber muttered, trying to hide a smile. Kate shook her head, deciding to go to the bridge and check things out for herself. RO's smile had finally appeared, as he and Bomber searched for different ways of expressing the situation.

"Critters on a cutter. Beetles on a barge."

"Tarantula on a trip. No, tarantula in a tub!" Bomber shrieked, giggling.

"Insects in the sea?" RO said uncertainly, running out of ideas.

Rolling her eyes, Kate called back, "You know, spider's aren't actually a bug or an insect. They're arachnids," all without her stride faltering.

Neither of them could think of a reply for a moment, but as Kate closed the door behind her, she heard Bomber give one final shout, the words coming out so fast the second part of her sentence sounded like one word.

"Arachnids on an Armidaleclasspatrolboat!"

* * *

Kate opened the door to the bridge, and there was an immediate shout.

"Kate! Watch out!" Mike yelled. The crew were divided over the two halves of the bridge, with Mike, ET, and several others over by the EOD, and Spider, Charge and Buffer crouched by the Communications equipment.

On the ceiling above the captain's chair, completely still, was a medium sized spider.

"It's a spider," Kate said, raising an eyebrow at the cowering crew. "Are you telling me none of you are prepared to squish an iddy-biddy insect?"

"They're not insects, you know!" called ET, but Kate ignored him. Charge had something more important to say.

"Well, you see, I was prepared to get a broom or something... but then, none of them –" he gestured around the room. "Thought it was humane to just kill it. So we need to find someone who is prepared to catch it and release it when we get back to port."

Kate skirted around the room to stand next to Mike, unable to shake the feeling that if she walked underneath the arachnid, it would choose that moment to drop down and land in her hair. Even if she didn't mind it sitting silently out of reach, she wasn't keen on the idea of touching it. Or it moving at all.

"I cannot believe not a single one of you is prepared to get rid of a spider..." she muttered. She turned to the other Spider in the room. "It's got your damn name!" she said, making it clear she wanted him to deal with it. He fidgeted a little, before blushing and stammering out his excuse.

"Uh... you see... I'm arachnophobic. And, my local GP says that I shouldn't go near spiders or I could have a panic attack." Kate stared at him. "It's a medical exemption!" he added, and frustrated, she looked at ET, who was leaning back against the EOD. He shrugged.

"I'm fine with it being there... I just think it's best if it doesn't move. I mean... the legs? Eight of them? Not good."

Kate looked at Buffer.

"You know what they say... leave it alone and it'll leave you alone."

"Then get back to work!" she snapped. He licked his lips.

"Uh, yeah... but you see, it's kinda above the helm... so by trying to steer the ship, we'd be disturbing it. So... yeah."

Sucking in a deep breath, Kate finally turned to face Mike. He refused to meet her eyes.

"Sir..." she began, her voice low and dangerous. He glanced at the spider, then at the other crew members, then out the front of the ship, anywhere but at her.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said, stepping forward. Mike snuck in a look at her, and she held her gaze so he couldn't turn away again. There was silence for a minute.

"I have a legitimate reason!" he blurted out suddenly. Kate raised an eyebrow.

"The arachnophobic excuse has already been used," she said.

"Yes, but that was irrational arachnophobia. I have the rational sort, stemming from a bad experience."

"Let's hear it, then," Kate demanded. Mike squirmed under her piercing gaze.

"Umm... I'd rather not, X," he said.

"Sir, this is affecting your work," she said, noticing his attempt to stop her inquiries with rank. "Therefore, it is imperative that you tell us."

Mike sighed, and cast a look towards the door, as if hoping to run, like RO had.

"When I was ten... I had a pet beetle named Buzz. He was a Christmas Beetle, and I didn't know they only lived for a few weeks... and when he died I developed a long lasting fear of all insects."

"Spiders aren't insects!" ET and Kate said at the same time. Mike wasn't listening. Instead, he poked Kate with one finger.

"If it's so damn easy, why don't you get rid of it?"

Her mind racing, Kate quickly tried to find her own excuse. "I don't mind it being there," she said eventually, though that wasn't entirely true. Mike smirked.

"So you won't mind taking the helm and bringing the ship back to port," he said. Kate gulped. She couldn't lose face like this.

"I do mind. I think you all need to work together and do it yourself," she said, and quickly made her own exit. The crew chuckled at the hypocritical revelation, their humour dying when they realised that no-one was steering the ship and the spider was still there.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the crew in the bridge were in the same positions. Suddenly, Mike had had enough. He cursed, and slowly made his way around the room towards the internal radio.

"All crew, all crew. There appears to be a rather large spider in the bridge. Anyone who believes they know the origin of this inse– arachnid, or who can get rid of it, or take the ship back to port, please come to the bridge, at the rush."

A few minutes passed. Mike repeated his message. This was embarrassing. Still, no-one arrived. Suddenly the door to the bridge opened. Nav stepped in, carrying a jar she had borrowed from Bomber. She walked through the room, stood underneath the spider, and placed the jar over it. She then used a piece of paper to get it from the ceiling into the jar, and quickly screwed on the lid, tightly.

"It's not large," she sniffed as she walked out. "This baby barely qualifies as medium sized."

"Nav?" ET squeaked. Just before she closed the door, she turned around, and saw the everyone staring at her. She sighed, the noise morphing slightly towards giggle.

"I have four brothers. Every second night I'd find spiders in my room. I got desensitized pretty quickly."

They continued to stare even after she'd finished explaining. With a final shrug, she left, calling over her shoulder, "I like dinosaurs, too!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 2**

Kate sighed, sincerely glad that her shift was over. She entered her cabin, knocking once, knowing that Nikki was in there. The day had not improved much, even after the issue with the spider had been resolved. She was distracted, and it wasn't until she'd sat down that her gaze fixed on the jar sitting on their shared desk.

"Nikki!" she yelled in surprise, on her feet in seconds. The navigator jumped, almost falling off her rack.

"What? Huh?" she asked. Kate extended one finger to point at the jar, and the spider waving two legs at the lid, as if enraged.

"Oh," Nikki said, reaching down and picking up the jar. "That's just Bob."

Kate stared at her, open mouthed. For a minute, Nikki cooed to the arachnid like it was a puppy, then caught Kate's expression.

"Wind will change," she warned absently, replacing the jar. Kate tried to speak but no words were coming out. "You look like a fish."

"In... my... cabin? No!" Kate shouted, finally regaining her wits. "No spiders in my room! What if it got out?"

"No, he's not going to get out. And he's harmless, X," Nikki said placatingly. Kate wasn't calmed.

"Okay, the whole thing with us being friends now? Might not last if you're going to keep spiders in here."

"I thought you didn't mind spiders," Nikki said cheekily, struggling to hide her grin at the expression on Kate's face.

"I don't mind when they're sitting harmlessly – and _still_ – on the wall. Waving it's legs around like that..."

"What if I let him out of the jar? Then he'll be sitting harmlessly on the wall. And he won't be moving."

Kate groaned. "_Nav_!"

Nikki swallowed. "So what do you want me to do? It's just until we get back to port."

"I've got nothing against him being on the ship... but I sleep in here. And there will be no spiders next to my bed – in or out of jars."

Nikki was about to protest that Kate wouldn't be sleeping there today, but caught the look on her face, and sighed instead, jumping to the ground. She picked up the glass jar, holding it far too casually for Kate's liking, and headed out to find somewhere to keep Bob until they got back to port.

* * *

Nikki wandered the ship, looking for somewhere to keep her pet for the next few hours. She'd walked into the juniors' mess, to have everyone's welcoming smile freeze at the sight of her cargo. Sighing, she'd walked out again without saying anything.

Next she tried the galley. Bomber was cleaning up the leftovers from lunch. She saw the jar and raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry ma'am. No animals in my galley," she said before Nikki could even ask.

"C'mon Bomber! He's not really an animal... and it's only for a little while... It's just that Kate refuses to have him in our cabin."

"And I'm refusing to have him in my kitchen," Bomber said. Nav might be a senior officer, but the chef knew how to get her way.

"Just like... put him in a cupboard where no-one will see him... I'll collect him when we dock."

"No, Nav," Bomber said firmly. Nav sighed, and went to look elsewhere.

She tried the engine room next. Charge sympathised with her plight, but also gave her a flat refusal.

"What about austere?" he suggested. Nav brightened, and went to check it out. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do with him in there – there was nowhere to rest the jar without the risk it would fall to the floor, break, and release Bob to the tender mercies of the next crew member to find him.

She already knew the bridge wouldn't take him, not with all the spider-wimps up there. She wondered if it would be possible to hide him in the bottom of one of the RHIBs. It was unlikely they would have to board anyone on the way back...

Knowing that if something did happen and someone found him there, she would be in big trouble, Nav frowned, deciding against it.

She checked out the armoury on her next circuit. There was a cupboard there. It was, however, locked, and she had to keep walking, frustrated. Bob appeared frustrated too, though that may have been the close confines of the jar.

She wondered if RO would notice if she snuck him into the ComCen. Knowing he would skin her alive if she tried to leave Bob there, she decided it wasn't worth the risk. It probably wouldn't be very safe for Bob, either.

She wondered if she'd be able to smuggle him back into her cabin without Kate noticing. So long as the X didn't know he was there...

Deciding it was worth a try, Nav headed back through the main part of the ship. She's just walked past the CO's cabin, when she did a double-take.

_Mike's going to be on the bridge until we get back to base..._ she thought. He'd said as much himself. He'd never even know.

Casting a guilty look around the hallway, Nikki ducked inside, and pulled open a drawer, tucking the jar safely inside. If someone walking past looked in, they wouldn't see him. Satisfied, she headed back to her own cabin.

As she opened the door, Kate studied her suspiciously, looking for any jar-shaped bulges in her pockets.

"Somewhere secure, I hope?" she asked. Nav started to nod, but Kate held up a hand. "I don't even want to know..."

"You won't hear of him again," Nav reassured her.

* * *

The seas were calm, and Mike settled back in his chair. "Might as well get some paperwork done," he mumbled to himself. He just didn't want to have to get up. _The benefits of being CO_, he thought to himself, spying RO talking quietly with Bomber, who had just finished up in the galley.

"RO," he called. "Can you go down to my cabin, get some papers from my desk?"

RO nodded. Mike suddenly had a thought. "Actually, I might have left them in my drawer..."

"Yes, sir," RO said, slightly put out that the boss couldn't go down to his own cabin.

A minute or two later, the door to the bridge slammed open, and RO jumped in, his face pale and his hands shaking. He was speaking so fast, his voice trembling so hard, Mike could barely understand him. After a few seconds, he shook his head and held up his hands. RO eventually fell silent. Mike drew in a shaky breath.

"Nav and Spider are doing _what_ in my cabin?" he asked. RO shook his head, wondering what it was about spiders that destroyed his ability to communicate.

"Nav's spider... from earlier... is in your cabin. In your desk drawer."

Mike blanched.

* * *

Kate was reading a book, and every few moments would turn a page, engrossed. Suddenly, the door to the cabin was rent by a loud knocking, and started to open. She looked up, startled, to see Mike in the doorway, as furious as she had ever seen him. And she couldn't think of a single thing that she'd done in the past week that could piss him off this much.

"Sir?" she asked faintly, sitting up and nearly banging her head.

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?" he exploded. She flinched slightly, and he hadn't even turned those deadly blue eyes on her.

"What?"

Mike suddenly seemed to notice her. "Not you," he snapped. Kate pulled herself sideways to look up at Nikki, who was biting her lip. She couldn't think of a single other time when the captain had had to yell at the nav.

Suddenly, something occurred to her. _Where _did_ she leave 'Bob'?_

"Oh gods, Nav, you didn't!" she asked, wide eyed. Nikki slithered off her rack, not meeting her friend's eyes.

"My cabin," Mike commanded. "Now!"

Kate had been on the receiving end of that glare enough times to know Nikki was definitely in for it.

"Any requests for your funeral?" she called as Nikki ducked out the doorway. The other woman didn't turn, her shoulders hunched.

"Don't joke about it, X!" Mike yelled back.

"I send RO down here to get some paperwork, so why did he come running back up to the bridge, telling me there is a spider in my desk?" Mike asked coldly, pointing one finger at the jar now sitting on the desk.

"Kate wouldn't let me keep him in our cabin," Nav replied.

"So... he's in here... because..." Mike began, hoping Nikki would take over the sentence. She licked her lips slightly.

"Uh... because no-one else wanted him... and you weren't down here..."

"Oh, so it's alright to do whatever you want on this ship, so long as I don't actually find out about it!"

"Why was RO getting your paperwork?" Nikki asked, trying to sidestep. Mike growled.

"You want it to make it back to shore? It stays in your cabin. Got that, Nav?"

"But, sir..."

"Yes?" he asked patiently, crossing his arms in front of his chest. If Kate had been there, she would have told Nikki that was never a good sign.

"The X said that..."

"Tell the X that he's staying in there. Nowhere else. No cupboards or cabins. That's an order, Nav," Mike finished.

"Yes, sir. C'mon, Bob."

Nav grabbed Bob's jar, and left as quickly as she could. Whether intentionally or not, Mike had just overruled Kate's command to get Bob out – smirking slightly, Nikki realised it probably was intentional.

* * *

Finishing his paperwork in the bridge, Mike didn't hear the door behind him, and he started when he realised Kate was standing beside him. They'd all been slightly jumpy since the spider had first appeared in the bridge, as if at any moment expecting to feel hairy legs making their way across exposed skin.

"X," he greeted her.

"Would you have let me keep a spider?" she asked quizzically.

"Nope. I would have had you institutionalised for thinking about it."

"Ha. I see Nav's allowed to, though. You barely even yelled at her."

"She doesn't yell back," Mike said pointedly. "Makes things quicker. Anyway, we'll be home in twenty minutes. And then, I promise you, not a single spider will ever make it's way onto this ship again."

"Oi!" called a voice, and they turned to see Spider glaring at them.

"Okay. One Spider," Mike corrected. "So X, any particular reason you're on the bridge?"

"Just enjoying the view," she said, and he chuckled slightly.

* * *

The next morning, Nikki looked very happy as she came onto _Hammersley_. "What's up, Nav?" Mike asked. He didn't want to even think about the previous day – any of it.

"I took Bob to a spider expert. He said Bob's part of a very rare, almost endangered, species."

"He's got a new home, then?" Mike checked, inwardly laughing at Nav's naming of the arachnid.

"Ah, yes. But sir? He checked. Bob's not a 'he'."

"How'd he check that?" ET asked. "Spider porn?"

"No. Bob has venom glands, and only the females of the species have them. And he – the expert – says that if we find an egg sac, we have to take it to him, because it could be very valuable."

The others in the bridge could only look at each other in despair. RO sighed heavily, and mumbled something.

"What was that, RO?" Mike asked.

"I said, this is only the beginning of _'Arachnids on an Armidale Class Patrol Boat'_..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Arachnids on an ACPB – Part three**DAY ONE

* * *

Bomber was preparing lunch for the crew. When she turned to grab a clean spoon, she noticed a speck on the bench that hadn't been there before. It was moving.

Approximately half the size of a small black ant, the dot walked over a few centimetres of the bench, before Bomber frowned, and squished it with her thumb. When she pulled away, the dot was still there. But it wasn't moving any more.

* * *

RO sighed, and pressed his fingers to his forehead. It hadn't been a bad day, just a long one. Maybe he should relax, give his bonsai some attention.

Glancing over at his small tree, he saw something that looked suspiciously like an ant crawling across his desk. Only it was a little larger than the normal black ants. He brushed it aside, and soon forgot all about it.

* * *

DAY TWO

ET was helping to stow the RHIB after a successful boarding. Walking towards his hand was a small insect, about the size of a bee. Frowning, he brushed it aside with his sleeve. It hit the deck, and he quickly stepped on it. He remembered the irukandji stings, and wasn't about to leave something that could potentially hurt people walking around the boat.

* * *

Spider gritted his teeth, and slammed down the boot, jumping backwards in case it wasn't quite dead. A spider! Next to his rack! A big one, too! His top lip curling in distaste, he used the boot to push the tiny arachnid onto the floor. He could hardly sleep that night, his mind filled with horrible images of what would have happened if he hadn't seen the creature when he had...

* * *

DAY THREE

Swain was counting his medical supplies, organising everything so that he could find it in a hurry if he needed to. He started, as a bandage started to unravel itself. He watched, confused, eventually grabbing the end of the bandage. Maybe the movement of the ship had caused one end to come undone...

But then he saw a small spider crawl out, and chuckled. He grabbed an empty paracetamol box, and closed it over the spider. It wasn't like Nav's spider 'Bob', this one was much smaller. About the size of a fifty cent coin. Closing the lid of the box, he tucked it under the disinfectant, making a note to show Nav later.

* * *

NEARLY DAY FOUR

Buffer was dreaming. It was a good dream; suffice to say, it involved his persona and a gorgeous young blonde woman. Her hair draped across his face, tickling his nose. He smiled in his sleep, and the tickling sensation continued. Odd...

He woke suddenly, jerking sideways. Looking around, he wondered what had been resting on his face to cause that particular dream... maybe nothing. He couldn't see anything, but then, it _was_ dark. Mentally shrugging, he put his head back to its groove in the pillow, hoping to return to the dream.

* * *

DAY FOUR

It was midday, and Charge was hungry. He was ready to go and get lunch, as soon as he found out what had caused this power box to surge...

Then, he saw that two wires were charred and blackened. He frowned. It looked as if they had somehow touched, and shorted... but they weren't close enough to touch. He supposed if something had touched both wires at once, then it could cause this, but...

At the bottom of the power box was a black lump. He picked it up with thumb and forefinger, trying to work out what it was – or what it had been. There was nothing distinguishable about the burnt mass. Shrugging, he dropped the card-sized _thing_ into the bin on his way to the galley.

* * *

DAY FIVE

Nav pounced, the jar coming down over the spider trying to make its way across her desk. It was quite a small spider, she reasoned – possibly one of Bob's babies? She hoped so. Dr Little, the spider expert she had taken Bob to, would be very pleased with a few more specimens. The species wasn't _rare _so much as a new discovery – there had only been a few reports of the creature so far, and Bob was the first live specimen Dr Little had seen or heard of.

She screwed the lid on tightly. No... this one had a faint stripe down its back, and wasn't quite the size of her palm. Bob had been much larger. She heard footsteps outside, and quickly hid the jar under her pillow, knowing what the X would say if she found Nikki trying to keep spiders in here again...

* * *

Kate was in the bridge, waiting for Mike to finish up in the Comcen. A moment ago, RO had called him down, saying there was a message from Navcom. She wondered if it was worth sitting in the captains chair while she waited...

Her attention was caught by a movement, near the ceiling. She glanced up –

And immediately looked down again, slightly nauseas. Well. If _that_ wasn't a case of déjà vu.

"Swain? Do you know where the Nav is?" she asked, forcing herself not to look up.

"She should be in her cabin..." Swain said, wondering what the X wanted with Nav.

"I just need to ask her something. Take the ship."

"Aye ma'am..."

Kate made it to the other side of the door, and was safely downstairs before she heard the first cry of alarm.

* * *

"Email from Navcom, I printed it out..." RO looked over next to the printer, but the fresh slice of paper wasn't where he had left it. He frowned, and quickly checked under several other nearby documents... though he usually remembered exactly where he left things.

Mike waited patiently. He suddenly caught a flash of white –

"Is that it?" he asked, nodding at a piece of paper on the ground, just behind RO's chair. The sailor turned, looking down in surprise. He nodded curtly.

"Must have blown off," he muttered. He reached down to grab it, but his hand closed over nothing but air. Frowning, he stood up, bending down.

He reached towards the paper, but, sensing his approach, the white sheet suddenly slid sideways across the floor. He glanced up at the CO, astonished.

"Did the, uh, ship just tilt?" he asked. Mike's patient expression had been replaced by one of utter confusion.

"No..." he replied, taking a step towards the offending object on the floor. As soon as he moved, so did the paper, scuttling away with a soft scratching sound. He looked around, and grabbed RO's bonsai.

He held the plant above the piece of paper, and dropped it, ignoring RO's protest. He was then able to reach down and pick up the sheet, while RO carefully rescued his precious plant. Remaining on the floor was the remains of a rather squished spider.

Mike recognised it. It was the exact same size and shape as Bob, the creature that had caused so much trouble a month ago... RO's mouth dropped a centimetre, and Mike – feeling slightly queasy – was about to order him to clean it up, when there was a shout from the bridge. He darted upstairs.

* * *

"Swain? Where's the X?" Mike asked, becoming more confused by the minute. Swain was moving slowly backwards, away from him. Mike narrowed his eyes, clearly asking for an explanation. Swain pointed upwards with one finger.

There was a spider in the bridge, above the helm. Mike jumped backwards.

To say it was a replica of Bob wouldn't be _quite_ accurate. The new spider was not sitting still like Bob had been. It was crawling around. It also had a stripe down its back that Bob hadn't had. Neither was it the same size. It was much, much larger.


	4. Chapter 4

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 4**

_PREVIOUSLY, on AACPB_

"_Swain? Where's the X?" Mike asked, becoming more confused by the minute. Swain was moving slowly backwards, away from him. Mike narrowed his eyes, clearly asking for an explanation. Swain pointed upwards with one finger._

_There was a spider in the bridge, above the helm. Mike jumped backwards._

_To say it was a replica of Bob wouldn't be quite accurate. The new spider was not sitting still like Bob had been. It was crawling around. It also had a stripe down its back that Bob hadn't had. Neither was it the same size. It was much, much larger._

* * *

"Crap," Mike muttered, hastily backing away. He could see Spider sheltering near the radio. He couldn't see Kate, and he knew she'd been here only a minute ago.

"Swain? Where's the X?" he repeated.

"She cut and run, sir," Spider called.

"Actually," corrected Swain, who was trying to compose himself, "I think she went to find the Nav."

At that moment, the door to the bridge opened, and Kate pushed Nikki in.

"What?" Nav asked, confused by the desperate glances being thrown her way. Then her gaze settled on the spider. "Oooh... now _that's_ what I'd call large."

"Yes, thankyou, Nav. Now, is there some way of getting rid of it?" Mike asked, his voice strained.

"Um, sir? I don't think that's your biggest problem..." Nav replied, hesitantly pointing to the wall behind him. He jumped away, and _then_ turned around. There was _another_ spider, this one not moving. He hadn't seen it when coming up from the comcen, because his attention had been caught by Stripy.

"That one's bigger," he decided. "And it's _moving_... I think it is my biggest problem."

"Okay, let me just get something to put it in..." she started, but before she could do anything, RO came bolting up from the Comcen, almost running into Mike.

"Thereisaspiderinthecomcen!" he yelped.

"I killed the spider," Mike replied. RO shook his head, horrified.

"There's _another_ spider in... the..." he trailed off, his eyes widening at the sight of the two spiders visible in the bridge.

"Bomber probably needs help in the galley," he squeaked, and ran for the door. Spider abandoned his post by the radio, and followed.

"Oh damn..." Swain muttered. Everyone looked at him, somehow managing to keep an eye on Stripy. "I found a tiny spider downstairs a few days ago, I was going to show Nav, but I forgot..."

"Where is it now?" she asked.

"I shut it into a little box. It should still be there, if it hasn't starved to death..."

"Right. I'll check it out, and while we're down there, find some containers."

Swain led the way, very keen to leave the bridge, leaving Mike and Kate alone. She broke the silence first.

"I swear, if you let Nav keep them in our cabin again..."

"I think we're beyond that," he reassured her.

* * *

RO and Spider had to fight from running to the galley. They came down the hall towards it, hearing Bomber smacking something.

"She's really showing those onions what-for, isn't she?" Spider muttered.

"Hey Bomber! Need any help?" RO called, looking in at her. "Because we'd just _love_ to volunteer."

Bomber glanced up, looking hassled. "Really?" she asked. They nodded eagerly. Slightly confused she chucked a spatula at RO, and he fumbled with it for a moment.

"Right. You two take the one on the left. I'll go the one next to the stove."

Horrified, they looked closer – and saw two Stripys, one angrily swatting at the stove, unable to walk across it because of the heat, and the other struggling to climb out of a mixing bowl, the sides too steep for it to escape. On the floor were two halves of a spider – the boys guessed she'd attacked it with a spatula or knife.

They had two choices – fight the spiders, or run. If they ran, at some point they would have to face the wrath of Bomber.

"RO?" Bomber suddenly asked, wondering how he was doing with the other spider. She batted at the hot-plate one, unable to hit it because it kept moving.

"Spider?" she called, when RO didn't answer. She turned.

They were both gone.

* * *

Swain frowned at the jumbled mess inside his kit. "I organised all this the other day... someone must have gone through it."

"Make it quick, I don't think the CO and the X want to have to be alone up there for long," Nav instructed. The kit was no longer as organised as Swain had left it, however, and there was a reason – he found the empty paracetamol box he had trapped the spider in, and upon closer inspection, found it to be empty once again.

"It's... gone..." he murmured, then jumped away from his medical bag. Nav looked over eagerly. A rubber glove was moving. She started to reach in, but then stopped.

"Do you remember if it had a stripe along its back?" she asked. He raised an eyebrow.

"Why would I remember that? No. I mean, no, I don't know... it was only tiny."

"See, everything starts tiny. Two days later, it will have gotten bigger. Big enough to push open the lid on a teensy cardboard box."

"What's the stripe got to do with it?" he asked.

"I figured something out. The females are poisonous, the males aren't. But the males are larger, and have a triple-stripe down their backs."

"Oh. Okay. But I don't remember any stripe..."

"So we can't reach in and grab this one, because she's poisonous."

"If there are venomous spiders running around the ship, I may need this stuff..." Swain realised.

"Ever treated a spider bite before?" Nav asked. He shook his head.

"I think I know how to... but I've never had to do it before. I mean, spiders don't usually live on ships. It's probably the Navy's least likely problem."

"Right. I need something to pick her up with..."

"Woah, woah... I thought the number one cause of bites was trying to catch them."

"It is. Which is why I'd prefer not grabbing her with my bare fingers."

"Would you stop saying 'her'?" Swain asked, pained. Nav looked at him. "It's a spider. It doesn't need gender specifications."

"I thought I'd proved that it did, because the females are the poisonous ones."

"Let's just focus on getting _it_ out of my medical kit."

* * *

Mike swore. "Where the hell is Nav? Surely it doesn't take this long..."

"You know, maybe I should go and check on her," Kate suggested. Mike exhaled in relief.

"I'll come."

"Oh no, you don't. You're supposed to be steering the ship."

"Don't make me pull rank, Kate," he threatened, edging towards the door. "Or I'll make you get rid of it."

"Okay, let's just calm down. Nav will be back soon..."

"Do we have any bug spray?" he asked suddenly. She frowned.

"I think you're supposed to _not_ use bug spray on spiders... it makes them hyper-aggressive."

"Oh. Well, we don't want that," Mike said. Kate nodded in agreement.

Then he snorted. "Right. I don't care if they're bordering on extinction." He removed one boot. "I'd much prefer to see them extinct on my ship."

Kate looked around, and grabbed RO's clipboard. "Good point," she said.

They then proudly displayed their weapons to the arachnids in the bridge. But didn't step any closer. Five minutes later, they were still waiting uncertainly.

A sudden beeping sound caught their attention, and after a moment, Mike located the source of the noise. Charge's console was flashing, and he quickly evaluated the error message.

"Sir? What is it?" Kate asked, keeping an eye on the spiders while he had his back turned.

"I... don't... know. It's trying to tell me something. Where's Charge?"

"In the engine room, I think."

Just then, the beeping stopped. And the lights went out.

"Sir?" Kate called, her voice rising in pitch. "Mike?"

Something brush past her arm, and she swung the clipboard, hard. There was a thud, and then she heard Mike cry out in pain.

"Ow, what the... Kate!"

"Sorry, Sir," she whispered, mortified. "I thought you were a spider."

"Right. Sure. Now, why the hell did the lights go out?"

"I don't know! Ask Charge."

Suddenly, there was a flicker, and the lights popped back on. They both sighed in relief. Kate winced at the sight of a large bruise growing on Mike's arm. He glared at her.

"I better go find Charge..." he said. Suddenly she grabbed his arm fearfully. "Wha– ?"

She pointed. Over near the helm was Boblet. But Stripy was nowhere to be seen.

"Where'd it go?" she hissed. They both scanned the room anxiously, but the spider was nowhere to be seen. Gradually, they drifted into the centre of the room, standing back to back, eyes peeled for any signs of an approaching arachnid.

* * *

"There it goes!" Nav shouted. Swain was too glad about having the spider out of his kit to notice Nav had finally said 'it' instead of 'she'. They had poked at the glove with Nav's pen until the Boblet had run out of the kit and scuttled towards the door.

"Step on it!" Swain encouraged. Nav spun around.

"What? No!" She grabbed the paracetamol box the spider had been living in, and tried to drop it over the Boblet. But the box was too small – she couldn't fit all the legs in. Frustrated, she moved away, looking for something else. Swain jumped forward, preparing to come down on the helpless Boblet with his boot, but Nav grabbed his arm, and his step missed.

Just then, the lights went out. They both froze.

"What's..." Nav began, and then felt something tickling her arm. "Very funny," she snapped, brushing Swain's fingers away. He chuckled.

"Sorry." He was quiet, and they waited for the lights to come back on. "Charge must be testing something... wish he'd warned us."

Nav felt something tickling her leg. "Swain!" she hissed.

"What?"

"Stop it!"

"I'm not doing anything..."

She jumped, and started stomping on the floor. Just then, the lights came back on. On the floor was the remains of the Boblet. Swain stared at her.

"That's the backup plan," she said, shrugging. They looked at the dead spider for a moment, then heard something behind them.

Nav turned slowly, to see a Stripy making his way up the wall behind them.

"There's... two..."

"I get the feeling there are a lot more than that..." Swain replied, looking around. "So, um... an egg sac. How many Boblets can we be expecting?"

"Several million."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Should we go back to the bridge now?"

"I better stop at the galley first, get some bigger containers. And maybe a pair of tongs."

"Right. Let's go!" Swain barked, and they left the wardroom, closing the door behind them, and headed for the galley.

* * *

"It's clear!" Spider called with relief. RO followed him into the room. Spider had checked the entirety of austere, and found it not to contain a single spider. Once inside, they closed the door.

"Your namesakes are ugly..." RO muttered. Spider nodded.

"No arguments here."

"Check for any openings... they can get through really small spaces, remember."

"I checked the room for spiders, you check for openings!" Spider replied. RO glared at him.

"It was my idea to come down here, we wouldn't even _be_ here if it wasn't for me!"

Spider frowned, and fisted one hand. RO raised his own hand.

"One, two, three..."

Spider's hand splayed into a scissor shape, RO's into a flat palm.

"Scissors beats paper, now you look for bloody openings!" Spider hissed. RO scowled, and started combing the room.

"We stay down here until the threat passes," Spider decided.

"What if someone else wants in?" RO asked. Spider considered.

"Well, we should probably let them in..."

"We need to search them, first!" RO added. "To make sure a spider hasn't crawled under their guard..."

"Good idea," Spider agreed. Finished checking that the room was airtight, RO sat down.

"The CO dropped my bonsai," he muttered. Spider patted him on the back.

"We're in a war... there will be casualties."

"It's a plant! And he used it as a weapon!"

"Yeah... hey, what if we get hungry?" Spider asked, frowning. "I mean, this war could take a while."

"Bomber is going to be mad," RO remarked, rolling his eyes.

"When is she _not_?"

"Good point."

* * *

"Righto, check for loose wires, or anything that looks like it might have shorted," Charge instructed. ET held up a flashlight, as Buffer looked through each of the power boxes for something that might have caused the lights to go out.

"Nothing yet," he muttered after a few minutes.

"We've got an hour and a half to work out why we lost power," Charge told them. "And then the aux run out and we're working in the dark."

"So, an hour and a half to work out why we lost power, _and_ to fix it," ET said. Charge nodded.

"Or that."

"Hang on... what the hell is this?" Buffer asked, pulling a lump the size of his palm out of one power box.

"Looks like a... dead spider..." Charge murmured, poking the lump. It moved feebly, one burnt black leg lifting slightly. "Or, not quite dead..."

Buffer dropped it, his lip curling.

ET took a look at the shorted wires. "If we replace these two wires, she'll be right," he decided, then peered at the spider. "Where'd it come from?"

Charge shook his head. "No idea. But... second one this week... better tell the boss. We might have a problem."


	5. Chapter 5

****

Arachnids on an ACPB, part 5

"We need to do something," Kate hissed. They were still alone in the bridge. Boblet was still hanging patiently to the wall, but Stripy was nowhere to be seen. Which was much worse than having him in sight.

"I'd like to see you coming up with a plan!"

"You're the boss... you think of something!"

"Right. First, we need to stop the bloody ship!"

"And the, uh..."

"Deal with it."

"What, you want me to do it?"

"Last time I checked, _you_ had the ship."

Kate growled, and inched towards the helm. Boblet didn't move. With a few hasty movements, she'd stopped the engines. She was only a metre or so away from Boblet.

"Kate? Don't... move..."

She froze. "I swear, Mike, if you are playing with me, I will skin you alive..."

He didn't answer. Just then, she felt _something_ touch her leg, just above the ankle. Through the fabric of her overalls, she couldn't tell what, but just then, something else pressed against her leg, and she could feel the something begin to climb up her leg...

She whipped around, smacking Mike with the clipboard. His fingers fell away from her leg, and he was still laughing as she pushed him to the floor. She tripped, coming down on top of him, their bodies pressing together awkwardly.

"I remember you doing that..." she murmured. "First rule – never use the same trick twice."

"You hit me," he complained. She snorted, and then realised she had dropped the clipboard. She turned to look for it – and froze. Again.

"Mike," she squeaked. He shifted underneath her, turning his head to the left. Stalking across the floor towards them was Stripy. "Found it."

* * *

"I'm pretty sure there are hygiene rules about this..." Bomber muttered, as Nav came careening through the lower decks. She looked into the galley, and her jaw dropped.

"You found more!" she squealed with delight. Bomber gritted her teeth, and continued battling with the Boblet on the bench. It looked like she was fencing – meat cleaver versus long hairy leg.

"These bastards are fast," Bomber said, adding a choice swear word. "I mean, _really_ fast! I've known slower hummingbirds!"

"Yeah, it's a defence mechanism," Nav informed her. "There's one behind you."

Shouting, Bomber spun 360 degrees, her cleaver slicing right through an approaching Stripy.

"There were three before! Now I've got at least ten, coming in from all directions!"

"Okay, well, if you've got that under control, I need some more jars. Possibly several million jars."

"We're going to have a problem with that..." Bomber warned. Nav nodded.

"Well, I need one, at least. The CO and X are struggling with the ones in the bridge."

"Wait, there are more?"

"You didn't know?"

"All I know is that I'm going to be adding a new item to the lunch menu! Repas de l'araignée!"

"Okay, so, containers?"

"All in use, sorry ma'am!"

"Right. Okay, I'll find something else."

With that, Nav departed the galley. Bomber reached out, grabbing a steak knife in her left hand so that she could attack two arachnids at once.

* * *

Charge opened the door, and stopped, not sure what to think.

The boss and the X were lying on the ground, in a rather... _compromising_... position. Hearing the door open, they both raised their eyes, and stared at him. Then Kate pushed herself up.

"Thank god!" she cried, pointing one finger at Stripy, who was now only a metre away. Mike scuttled sideways, pressing himself against the opposite wall in his bid to escape the advancing arachnid.

"Uh, Mike?" Kate said hesitantly, biting her lip. He sighed.

"What now?" he asked, his voice strained. She raised one eyebrow, pointing behind him.

He turned, and was face-to-face with Boblet. Swallowing a yell, he jumped away, managing to avoid Stripy. Charge stepped inside, and calmly stepped on the spider.

"Thankyou," Kate said with relief. "I think Nav and Swain must have been eaten..."

"Oh lord..." Mike muttered. "There goes our only advantage..."

"Sir?" Charge broke in. They looked at him, and he held up what had once been a spider. It was now a charred mess. "I wanted to let you know... I think we have a spider problem."

"Yes, thankyou Charge. We were _just_ getting that impression ourselves."

"Well. Alright then."

"What was up with the lights, by the way?" Mike asked. Charge shrugged, and dropped his dead spider.

"The blighters are getting into the electrics. They touch two wires at once, and boom. Power out. I better get back downstairs, see what else they're getting up to."

As Charge left the bridge, the phone rang. The two officers looked at it, then at each other.

"I don't care whether the FFVs have their _hands_ in the water, we got bigger problems."

* * *

It had become a game of replace-the-wires. Buffer and ET waited until a beep sounded, then quickly reached into the affected power box, pulled out a charred spider, and then rewired the box.

"There has to be... a better... way!" ET panted, having replaced the same wire three times in a row.

"Well, if you've got a plan, I'd love to hear it!"

"We're going to run out of wires at this rate!"

"We need to find the source of the invasion," Buffer concluded. The box next to him suddenly sparked, but he ignored it, moving beyond the engines and looking for any holes that would indicate where the arachnids were coming from.

"Here!" ET called. Buffer looked over his shoulder. There was a crack in the paint, and a hole in the wall. Out of it was crawling a Stripy – once it was out, it headed out into the engine room, and another started coming through behind it.

"Right!" Buffer snapped. He disappeared for a moment, leaving ET to kick at the Stripys making their way across the floor. A moment later, Buffer returned, fire extinguishers in hand. He passed one to ET, then faced the hole, unhooking the CO2 nozzle.

"See you in hell, spiders!" he swore, then fired.

* * *

"Hammersley, Mike Flynn speaking," Mike said into the phone receiver, hopping on one foot while he replaced his boot.

"Mike, I sent you an email, I was hoping you would have received it by now..." came Marshall's voice.

"Sorry, sir. It came through, but we're having a lot of problems right now."

"What sort of problems?" Marshall asked warily. He hadn't failed to notice that the Hammersley had more than its fair share of issues.

"Well, sir, it's a little hard to explain."

"Start talking," Marshall growled, never one to be led off track.

"Right. Well, the ship appears to have been infested with spiders."

"Spiders?" Marshall repeated, the concept incredibly absurd. "What sort of spiders?"

"The sort with eight legs. Oh, and the females are venomous, apparently."

"When did this happen?"

"Well..."

When Mike had finished explaining the various sightings of spiders over the past few days, the sudden invasion, and the original events involving Bob, Marshall was silent for a moment.

"You had a live animal on board, and you didn't report it? Mike, if these things aren't native, it creates a quarantine issue, as well as an environmental one..."

"No, they're Australian spiders," Mike cut in. There was a pause, as Marshall waited for a longer explanation. "Ah, the Navigator knows a bit about spiders. She's been dealing with them so far, but now... it's getting a little out of hand."

"Hell, Mike... why wasn't I informed earlier?"

"I've been kind of busy here..." Mike muttered.

"You're not alone in the bridge, are you? Because that sounds like a severe breach of –"

"Sir, I have the X with me, and we're only just dealing with the number of spiders in here. The Nav and Swain went to find something we could use to capture the spiders... and the RO... disappeared."

"Disappeared?" Marshall repeated. Mike could hear the strain piercing his voice. Kate suddenly caught Mike's eye, and pointed at the security cameras.

"Wait, I've found him. The RO is hiding in austere with one of the junior sailors."

"What are they doing down there?"

"Hiding. From the spiders. I gather austere is clear..." Mike was suddenly very tempted by the idea.

"Mike, you need to knock this on the head. Kill them or capture them or throw them overboard, I don't care. Just get that ship back to base. Where are you?"

"Uh, sir? We were tasked onto the northern border patrol. We're three days from port."

"Three... three..."

Marshall seemed to be having trouble dealing with the concept.

"Right. I'll start contacting people, you just... deal with it."

Suddenly, Kate cried out in alarm. A pair of Boblets had just climbed through from the outside of the ship, and were now involved in a tussle on the bridge floor.

"Oh, crap!" Mike yelled. "Sorry, sir. Situation has just escalated!"

With that, he chucked the phone somewhere near its hook, and dived for Kate's abandoned clipboard. He brandished it threateningly.

"Alrighty, spiders! You want a war? You've got one."


	6. Chapter 6

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 6**

**68 hours from port**

Swain held his breath, pushing himself flush against the wall. He rolled the fist-sized object around his palm a few times, then pulled the pin. He started counting. He waited until he reached 'three', and then opened the ward room door and flung the object through, slamming the door shut after it. He listened carefully, and two seconds later, heard a hissing.

He waited a few minutes, fidgeting impatiently. Every few seconds, there was a slight thud from within – he hoped it was the sound of dying spiders.

Finally, he opened the door a crack and looked in. His eyes stung slightly, but he blinked quickly, and could make out at least three arachnids on the ground. At his entry, they all swung around, and started scuttling towards the door. He could almost _feel_ their anger.

Coughing, he slammed the door shut, and ran for the bridge.

* * *

Nav started to turn the handle, but suddenly, there was a bang, and she felt someone on the other side of the door struggling to keep it closed.

"Oi!" she yelled.

"Oi yourself!" she heard RO call. She rolled her eyes.

"Open the door!" she shouted.

"No! There's no spiders in here, and that's the way it's going to stay!"

"I don't have any spiders with me! I just need to find something to keep them in..."

She knew it was a lost cause before she even finished. "Leader, open the door!"

"Sorry ma'am! No can do!" she heard Spider call out. "There's nothing you could use from in here, anyway!"

She would have argued some more, but just then, the PA crackled, and Mike's voice came out to the ship.

"All crew, all crew... there are spiders on board the Hammersley. Yes, spiders. Not-quite-insect creatures with eight legs. Lots of them. I've just spoken to Commander Marshall on the phone, he says that we are to head for base at best speed. As I'm sure you're all aware, we are three days from port.

"We've entered a war. Any spider is to be killed or captured on sight, whichever you feel more comfortable with. I must warn you, we think that some of them are poisonous. Those who think they can fight against this threat to our ship, report to the bridge. Any others, please head to austere – we're assuming it's still spider-free."

There was a pause.

"Navigator? Get back to the bridge!"

"Sorry, boys, gotta run!" Nav called. She heard RO sigh with relief on the other side of the door.

* * *

Mike hung up the radio, just as the door to the bridge opened. He looked up eagerly, hoping it was Nav – but no, it was Swain.

"Where's Nav?" he asked, hoping she was coming back.

"No idea," Swain replied, coughing. His eyes were red and watering. Mike frowned, and he quickly explained. "They're all through the ship. And the tear gas doesn't seem to affect them, except to make them hyper-aggressive. Better tell everyone to stay out of the ward room."

Mike nodded, and reached for the radio. Only then did Swain notice he was standing on a chair.

"All crew, please be advised – do not enter the ward room, or open the ward room door. It is full of tear gas and some very angry spiders."

"You used _tear gas_ in the ward room?" asked an incredulous voice, and Swain turned to see the X sitting cross legged on a table. He raised an eyebrow, and she glared at him.

"What? Actually, you might feel better if you come up here... I don't know where the fighting-Boblets went..."

"Fighting Boblets?" Swain repeated, edging towards the table.

"They can really go at each other, we've seen."

Swain looked around the bridge. There was still a Boblet over by the helm, and a Stripy was slowly making its way up the opposite wall, but he couldn't see any others.

"Where are they?" he asked anxiously. Kate shared a look with the CO.

"We... uh... don't know," Mike replied. "As soon as you turn your back on them, they disappear..."

"There was a pair fighting in the middle of the floor, earlier," Kate added. "Two Boblets. And then they went under there –" She pointed underneath the engineering console. "– And we haven't seen them since."

"Right..." Swain said, looking around warily. He then jumped up onto the table beside Kate. "Sorry, X."

"You're right," she replied, peering down at the floor below them. "Where the hell is Nav?"

* * *

"Nav!" Charge called. She had almost collided with him, and he felt the need to point out it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been sprinting thorugh the lower decks. She shook her head, brushed past him, and continued sprinting for the bridge. She didn't dare imagine what was going on up there.

Charge shrugged, and continued on his way towards the engine room. He had to find out how Buffer and ET were handling the situation in there.

Not well, as it turned out.

"Charge, we're going to need backup! I think the egg sac must have been laid somewhere down here, because the bastards are everywhere!" Buffer called as soon as he saw the engineer come in.

"The CO2 pisses them off!" ET called. "But it stops them for a bit!"

Charge watched for a moment, as Buff and ET battled wave after wave of arachnids. Then he saw a new problem.

"Boys! On your left!"

Buffer swung to the side, leaving ET to attack the crack on his own. There was a new group, coming from between the floor tiles. Buffer tried to save the limited supply of CO2 and stomped at them instead, his heavy boots smearing spiders across the floor.

"Hey Buff, my niece had a Playstation game where she had to do that!" ET called, watching as Buffer ran around, squishing spiders as they came up. "Like whack-a-mole."

"Stomp-a-spider!"

"Insect infestation!"

"Not insects! Spider smashing!"

"Tarantula tittilation!"

"Tittilation? What the hell? Arachnid attack!"

"I'm trying... huntsman hunting!"

"Red-back removal!"

"Bob bashing!"

"Stripy squashing!"

With each suggestion, they sent another spider to the land of eternal web.

* * *

"Nav!" called a voice, and Nikki stopped running for a moment. She looked into the junior mess...

Three of the junior sailors were crouched on top of the table, looking at the ground below them in horror.

On the ground were five Boblets and a pair of Stripys. They were trying to climb up the legs of the table, and so far having no luck.

"They're trying to get us!" one of the sailors whimpered. Nav rolled her eyes.

"No, they're just looking for food... poor devils are probably starved. Must be why the galley's full of them..."

The three juniors blanched, sharing a look, as Nav took off again. A Stripy suddenly found that it was possible to climb up the wall, and began making his way towards the top of the table. Gulping, one of the juniors removed a boot, brandishing it threateningly.

"The small ones without stripes are poisonous!" Nav called back, and the boot-wielding hand trembled. Mike's voice suddenly came over the PA again, as the Stripy was savagely attacked.

"Nav! Bridge! Now!"

* * *

"Down here!" the X yelled, and Swain followed her, jumping off the table and onto the partition between stations.

Behind them, a Boblet had appeared, making its way towards the table. Mike swatted at a Stripy that was trying to latch onto his shoe, only succeeding in annoying it further.

"Where the hell is Nav?" Mike asked. A minute after his urgent call, there was still no sign of her.

"Last I saw her, she was heading towards the galley," Swain said. "But that was ages ago!"

"Don't tell me the galley is full of spiders," Mike replied, groaning. Swain shrugged, crouched on top of the metal partition.

"They can't get into the emergency supplies, can they?" he checked. Mike shrugged.

"You'd think not... but these bastards are getting into all sorts of places they _shouldn't_ be able to reach..."

"Um, Mike?" Kate called, and gestured towards the helm. A pair of Stripys were making their way towards the controls. "You don't think they're trying to hijack the ship, do you?"

"X, that's utterly ridiculous!" Mike said, snorting. His gaze rested on the spiders. They were fairly big... their weight might be enough to activate the controls. "And we really don't need that negative outlook right now."

One Stripy brushed past the other, which spun and struck out. A moment later, there was a brown and red ball of legs and blobs as they tussled on the control panel.

"Stop them!" Kate yelled, gesturing wildly. Mike looked closer – if they moved to the left any further, they'd hit the engine controls, and...

"You stop them!" he called back.

"You're closer!" she screamed. Mike fumbled for a moment, then grabbed the radio.

"NAV!"

* * *

Nav paused, listening to Mike's wail for help. She smirked. The CO, afraid of spiders. Come to think of it, nearly everyone on the ship was either afraid of or uncomfortable around spiders.

She heard a splashing to her left, and looked into the room next to her. It was the shower room – and a poor, little Boblet was drowning in a puddle on the floor. She immediately ran to its assistance, using one boot to nudge it out of the puddle. Once on dry land, the spider scuttled away, hiding under the sink.

"Be careful!" she warned it, and then remembered the bridge. She set off again.

* * *

ET dropped the useless fire extinguisher. "We are so stuffed!" he yelled to no-one in particular. He was out of CO2, but the spider source was as full as ever.

"You only just figured that out?" Buffer asked, panting as he struggled to keep up with the influx of spiders.

"We need a WMD! No, a WMSD!" ET replied.

Buffer tried to work out the acronym. "A weapon of mass spider destruction?"

"That's the one! We need a grenade!"

"No grenades near my engines!" Charge called. ET swung around to face him.

"Well, it's better than spiders near the engines, isn't it?"

The lights around them flickered. There were still spiders coming up through the floor. "Right," Charge said decisively. "Wish me luck! I'm going downstairs."

"With a grenade?" ET asked hopefully. Charge didn't reply, instead grabbing a loose pipe, and heading for the stairs.

"Hang on..." ET suddenly said thoughtfully. "Hey Buff, you remember on Samaru? When Spider got caught on that trip line with grenades?"

"Yeah..."

"I think I've still got them. The two the CO passed to me. I think I've still got them."

* * *

"Lemme in!" cried a desperate voice. RO and Spider glanced at each other.

"Who is it?" RO called.

"It's Dan! Now let me in, they're everywhere!"

"Okay, but we have to search you," called Spider, starting to unlock the door. RO caught his arm.

"What if it's a trick? He could be planning on filling austere with spiders!"

"But what if it's not? RO, we need to open the door!"

RO hesitated, listening to Dan smashing his fist on the door.

"Are there any spiders with you?" he called.

"No, no! I just came from the top deck, they're everywhere!"

"Right." RO quickly opened the door, pulling the terrified junior sailor in and slamming the door shut behind him. He and Spider then proceeded to search his clothes, pockets, shoes and hair for any traces of spider infiltration.

"He's clean," RO said at last, and Dan sat down, shivering.

"Guys, whatever happens, do not leave this room!" he told them. "They're on the walls of the halls, they're on the deck, apparently they're all through the bridge... I didn't go up there."

"We're not leaving," Spider stated.

"There's only one Spider down here, and we can live with him," RO said. Dan jumped up in shock, looking around wildly, before RO pointed at Spider. "That one. Annoying, but at least he's human."

"Hey!"

"Oh, okay," Dan said, sitting down again. "So, um... what do we do down here?"

"I spy?" Spider suggested.

* * *

Nav was approaching the door to the bridge, ready to save the day, when suddenly, someone caught her arm. She spun around to see ET.

"Nav, I need your help!" he said.

"Sorry, ET, I have to –"

"No, no, this is more important. I need the key to the armoury."

"What the hell for?"

"No time, the engine room is chock full of spiders, and if we don't do something _now_, they're going to cut off the power completely!"

"How would they..."

"Every time they touch to wires, they cause a short," ET explained quickly, dragging her back down the hall.

"The poor babies!" Nav said, thinking of what the electricity would do to the little arachnids.

"Um, yeah. Now we need to find a way of... rescuing... them," ET said hesitantly. Nav nodded stoically, and he no longer needed to drag her. She was leading the way – the bridge further and further behind them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 7**

**Still 68 hours from port. Because the boat isn't moving.**

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream..."

"Spider," RO growled, pacing the length of austere yet again.

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream..."

"Spider!"

"What?"

"Stop singing," RO snapped, sitting down.

"Why?"

"That's a kids song."

"Fine. What about yellow submarine? We all live in a yellow submarine, we didn't like the colour so we painted it green..."

"Spider... please..." begged Dan from his corner.

"Green washed off, so we painted it red... But red didn't float, and now we're all dead..."

"How about we play I Spy?" RO suggested. Spider glanced at him, and shook his head.

"This is much more fun."

RO swallowed, grabbing a nearby blanket and wrapping it around his head like a turban. He sat back, sighing blissfully when he realised he could no longer hear anything. Behind him, Spider had started singing again.

"In the Navy... we can sail the seven seas..."

* * *

"Right," Mike said, gritting his teeth. "I think we can assume Nav isn't coming."

"So _do_ something!" Kate shouted, pointing at the Stripys tussling on the control panel. Swain suddenly reached down and pulled off a boot. Without waiting, he chucked it towards the pair – he was dead-on with his aim, and struck the two spiders in the back. Legs flailing, they fell to the floor, and didn't move again.

The trio wasn't watching them, however. Swain's boot, having finished with the spiders, had rolled sideways and was now resting on the button that would restart the engines. They all held their breath, as it wobbled, and then remained still. It wasn't heavy enough to press down.

The Boblet that had been sitting quietly next to the helm all day suddenly twitched. She rotated, and slowly began to crawl down the wall.

The X groaned as Boblet aimed straight at the boot, wanting to know what this strange thing was that had appeared below her. She paused a second, front legs waving at the large obstacle in front of her. Then, she laid her front legs on the boot, and began to climb onto it.

"Oh, _crap_," the CO muttered. Boblet's weight was enough to push down on the console, and as the humans watched, a light suddenly came on, and the ship began to move.

"Full ahead both engines..." Swain said softly.

* * *

"You're not going to shoot them, are you?" Nav asked, unlocking the armoury door. ET shook his head.

"Of course not! Wouldn't be practical, anyway, we don't have enough bullets."

"Exactly," Nav said, satisfied. ET reached out, grabbed something from inside the cupboard, and ran.

"Oi!" she called. "Wait for me!" Rolling her eyes, she locked up hurriedly, and sprinted after him.

Behind them, the metal door creaked, and swung open.

* * *

Charge came upstairs to find Buffer struggling in vain against the wave of spiders.

"I found the remains of the egg sac!" he said victoriously. "Looks like they hatched down there, and over a few days, spread through the ship, so that by the time they were big enough to see, they were everywhere."

"Right. So what... do we... do about... it?"

"Where's ET?" Charge asked, looking around.

"He went... to find... some grenades," Buffer panted. His legs felt like jelly. He couldn't keep doing this.

A spider suddenly got past Buffer's defences, and climbed up onto his boot. Charge stepped forward and kicked it off.

"Thanks, mate... Hope... ET... gets back... soon!"

"If he's looking for grenades, he'll be a while," Charge said, snorting. "Hammersley doesn't carry grenades."

Before Buffer could reply, there was a bang as the nearby door opened. ET ran in, holding up an F1 grenade. Charge stared at him. Before he could say anything, however, the door banged again, as Nav followed him in.

"You are _not_ blowing them up!" she shrieked. "You said you were going to help rescue them!"

"Nikki, Nik! It's for their own good, it's the humane thing to do!"

"No, it is _not_ humane! And just think what it would do to the engines!"

"Can you get back to squishing them?" Buffer called to ET, and Nav looked down at the floor, and the spiders trying to climb through it.

"Buff!" she cried, as he left traces of spider-goo on the floor. "That is most certainly _not_ humane!"

"Right now, Nav... I don't care..."

Around them, the lights flickered, as one of the spiders that had moved out of Buffer's reach was fried.

"Just think what they'll do to your navigation equipment!" Charge said, winking. Nav paused, considering.

"We need to round them up, and keep them somewhere they can't get out of!" she proposed. Her idea was not met with enthusiasm.

"We need –" Buffer began, but his gaze was caught by ET, who was in the process of removing the pin from the grenade in his hand. "ET!"

Nav stared at him. "Don't you dare..." she began, but he already had the pin out. He raised an eyebrow. She glared, and held out her hand. "_Carefully_... give me the grenade."

"I suggest you all clear the area," he said coolly. He turned to see if Charge and Buffer were clear, and while his back was turned, Nav leapt forward, tackling him.

ET had the good sense, at least, to keep his hands closed around the grenade, so it wasn't likely to explode just yet. They hit the ground together, and she tried to wrestle the device away from him.

Suddenly, the engines around them started up, and the ship lurched as she started moving forward. Nav slipped, and one hand pushed into ET's stomach. He coughed, and used both hands to try and push her off him.

Half a second later, his eyes widened, and they both looked at the grenade on the ground beside them. As they watched, it rolled sideways... and the safety lever popped open.

"Shit! Move!" ET shouted, and they scrambled away from the grenade, sheltering behind one of the engines. A moment later, the F1 exploded, and the room shook. ET wrapped his arms around Nav's head as fragments of grenade shell clicked against the floor.

"Well," said Buffer, peering around at the devastation wreaked by the explosion. "It was certainly effective."

The sides of the engines were charred, and sharp bits of metal were sticking out of the floor like echidna spikes. Littered across the floor were nearly a hundred dead spiders. The remaining spiders under the floor seemed to have been scared off by the bomb, and no more were climbing up.

There was silence for a moment. Nav finally found her voice.

"Spidacide! You monster!"

* * *

"Woah!" Spider shouted, his latest tune breaking off mid-lyric. The three sailors in austere looked towards the engine room door. RO stood up, and made his way over to the door, feeling around it for structural integrity. On the other side, he could hear Nav shouting.

"Hey! What's going on out there?"

After a moment, Buffer called back.

"We umm... discovered how to kill them!" he said. RO waited, expecting him to keep talking. He didn't.

"How?" Spider asked loudly, looking anxiously at the door.

"ET, umm... blew them up," Buffer replied. "With a grenade. You remember the F1s, Billy?"

Spider paused. He definitely remember the grenades, but he couldn't remember Buffer _ever_ calling him Billy before.

"Uh, yeah? Don't tell me ET had them all this time."

"We actually had them locked up in the armoury... never got around to taking them out."

Nav's voice could be heard shouting in the background. "You said you were going to _help_ them! Not _blow them up_! You jerk!"

Spider and RO exchanged a look.

"Yeah, good work Buff. Now there's only a million or so to go," RO called out. He turned back to Dan and Spider. "Well, at least we're moving again."

Just then, the engines shut down again. RO rolled his eyes.

"Me and my big mouth..." he growled.

* * *

"I'll need to check the damage before we can get going again. At least the CO was able to get the ship moving again..." Charge said, shutting off the power.

"Oh my God!" Nav suddenly cried, her hands flying to her mouth. "I'm supposed to be in the bridge!"

With that, she was off, leaving the war zone behind, and sprinting to the bridge.

* * *

"Get it off!" Kate shrieked. She'd managed to move the boot off the control panel, but in doing so, a Stripy had come scuttling across the floor and jumped onto her leg. He had then proceeded to climb up her body, and was now crawling over her stomach.

Her hands flailed wildly, brushing uselessly at the Stripy. Mike jumped down from his chair, and tried to hit the arachnid as it cowered just below her breasts. But every time his hand came near it, he shied away before he could actually touch it. Kate jumped from one foot to the other, as if hoping to shake it off.

It was to this sight that Nav finally reached the bridge. She pulled the door open, stepped in, and stopped, mouth dropping. Kate was wiggling erratically, and Mike was in front of her, his hands groping at her chest, trying to get a decent hold.

"What the hell is going on?" Nav spluttered, turning to see Swain doubled up laughing – perched on top of the radio.

Kate spun at her voice, at the same time as Mike aimed for the Stripy, and this time he hit it. The arachnid fell to the floor, and scuttled away to hide underneath the captain's chair. Nav rolled her eyes.

"Nav!" Mike cried, seeing her. He then ran forward and hugged her tightly. She pushed him away, trying to work out why everyone was acting completely insane. Mike composed himself, and glared at her. "Where the _hell_ have you been?"

"Bloody ET," she muttered. He raised an eyebrow. "He committed mass spidacide!"

"Spidacide... Sounds like a fantastic idea to me." Kate muttered, taking a moment to jump back up to her safe partition. Nav looked at her, puzzled.

"Why are you up there?" she asked.

"Because the bridge is covered in spiders!" Kate snapped. Nav looked around. To their right, a Boblet was struggling to climb up the steps.

Her attention was distracted by the radio. Mike grabbed it.

"Bridge," he said.

"Sir, I need you to try and turn the engines back on from control," Charge said, his voice amplified into the bridge. Mike edged towards the helm. Boblet had resumed its safe position on the wall, and he quickly turned the engines on while she wasn't moving.

Nothing happened. Nav moved towards the radio, watching as Mike tried the engines again. And again. He then moved over to the engineer's console, looking for an alternate way of restarting them. Nav grabbed the PA.

"ET, you're an idiot," she announced, calmly replacing the receiver. Mike glanced at her.

"What did ET do? Apart from... spidacide?"

"He blew up the engines," Nav replied, shrugging. "I _told_ him it was a bad idea."

Mike sighed, and grabbed the radio. "Charge?"

"This might take a while," Charge replied. "In the meantime, we need to work out a way of getting these buggers off our ship!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 8**

**69 hours from port. For a moment, they were moving in the wrong direction.**

"I'm hungry," Spider complained. RO stared at him.

"And you want me to do what?"

"We have no food! We're gonna starve!" Dan shrieked.

"Someone needs to go to the galley and get us a few ration-packs," RO decided. Spider shot him a glance.

"Well, it can't be you or me, Bomber's still mad at us."

They looked at Dan, who shook his head. "No. No way."

"You want to starve?" RO asked. Dan considered, and then nodded.

Spider sighed. They needed to make the food come to them. His eyes rested on one of the white blankets next to them.

"Anyone have a pen?"

* * *

"Maybe it wasn't the grenade," ET suggested. "I mean, it's possible that one of the buggers crawled into the engine."

"Or, more likely, it was the grenade," Buffer replied. They turned to Charge, who shrugged.

"Either way, we're three days out with no engines. Also, we're now running on auxiliary power, which will only last a few hours."

"We need something that will kill them, but not us, and can be employed effectively," ET said. Buffer rolled his eyes.

"And _how_ do you plan on getting your hands on said WMSD?"

ET's eyes suddenly lit up. "Bomber!" he cried.

"Bomber's a WMSD?" Buffer asked, frowning.

"No. At least, I don't think so. But she's a cook – and all good cooks know how to make stuff."

Charge rolled his eyes. "Whatever you're planning, do it soon," he advised. ET nodded, and dashed off.

* * *

"I think they're trying to tell us something," Kate mused. Nav looked up.

"Who? The spiders?"

Mike shuddered. "Now there's a dangerous thought..."

"No, RO and Spider..." Kate corrected, looking down at the surveillance camera video. They were writing on a large sheet with a black pen. A moment later, they held it up to the camera.

_CAN YOU READ THIS?_

"I'd love to keep them sweating," the X said slowly, smirking, and then sighed. "But they might actually have something important to say."

She grabbed the internal radio. "Austere, we read you. What's the problem?"

There was a flurry of motion, as the three men began scribbling a new message.

_WE NEED FOOD._

Nav snorted, reading the message over Kate's shoulder. Kate was also having trouble repressing a laugh. She bit her lip, and spoke into the radio again.

"Well, austere, you know where the galley is."

RO dropped the sign-sheet, and scowled in the direction of the camera. He held up eight fingers.

"I think he's worried about the eight legged drop bears," Swain commented, also looking at the camera.

"The rest of us are managing!" Mike called, keeping an eye out for any new arrivals to the bridge. At that moment, Boblet was still above the helm, but no other spiders were visible. They were all – except for Nav – dreading the sudden appearance of a long, hairy leg.

"Do you reckon they'd get over it if we made them go and get food themselves?" Kate asked. Mike shrugged.

"Maybe. Isn't the galley full of spiders?"

"True..."

A new sign had been placed in front of the camera, and it simply read, _OI!_

"Fine," Kate sighed, and once more brought the radio to her mouth. "Alright austere, we'll see what we can do. But don't expect us to wait on your every beck and call. We're still dealing with a crisis up here."

On screen, RO nodded politely, and Spider gave them a thumbs up. Suddenly, RO thought of something else, and scribbled another message. Kate snorted.

"Alright, we'll get you a radio, too. You're washing those sheets later, you know."

_AND A DECK OF CARDS?_

"Don't push your luck."

* * *

"I think that you've reached the point where a tactical retreat is in order," ET advised, and Bomber nodded wearily, backing out of the galley.

"They're _everywhere_," she whined. "Next chance I get, I'm opening the microwave, waiting until a few crawl in, and – "

"Yeah, now, I need your help," ET said, steering her down the hallway. "We need something that can be spread around the ship easily, is deadly to spiders and not to people, and don't say insecticide, because we don't have any."

"How can I help?" Bomber asked, confused.

"We were hoping you'd know of something that would do that which we _do_ have, or be able to make some insecticide, or something..."

ET gazed at her hopefully. She considered.

"Maybe," she mused. "If we got some sort of liquid, put in something... then filled up the fire extinguishers with it... could work."

"Fantastic. C'mon, let's plan."

* * *

"Ah, found it..." Charge shuffled backwards, pulling a long, black, plastic rope out from the silent engine.

"What is it?" Buffer asked, peering at the strap.

"Fanbelt. The grenade didn't do too much damage... but the explosion dented the side of the engine, meaning this got stretched too far... and snapped."

"Can you fix it?"

"Yep. We've always got a few spares."

"Looks like things are back on track, then," Buffer said, and Charge nodded.

"We'll get home, they'll clean the ship of all insects, and we'll be right."

The door to the bridge opened, and everyone flinched. It was Charge.

"Engines should be good now," he said, grinning. "Let's get this baby home."

* * *

Nav slowly entered the galley. It was empty save for a few little spiders. She wondered where Bomber had gotten to.

The ratpacks were kept in a cupboard on the right, and she pulled out a few to take to the "austere boys", as they were now being called. Nav frowned, the evidence of Bomber's spider-decapitating practises on the bench in front of her.

It occurred to her that the places most infiltrated by the arachnids were the bridge, engine room, and galley. Especially the galley.

On the ground below her, two Stripys suddenly attacked each other, rolling around on the floor. Nav followed them with her eyes, a moment later sighing and putting the ratpacks back on the bench.

"You poor devils must be starving..." she murmured, and looked around the galley. There had to be something down here she could give them. So far, they had only survived by eating each other, and she gazed at the winning Stripy.

"There's a better way!" she told it desperately. "Dr Little never said you were cannibals..."

She knew that the X had said to get the food to the austere boys, but suddenly this seemed a lot more important. The spiders couldn't feed themselves – the arachnaphobes could. Deciding to follow that logic, she started opening cupboards, looking for something she could feed to her new pets.

* * *

Downstairs, there was a creak. A Boblet and a Stripy were making their way up a wall, towards an open door. At one point, their searching front legs touched, and the momentarily arched into attack positions. Then their attention was caught again by the door, which was swinging slightly on an oiled hinge. Together, they climbed higher, eager to find out what this strange thing was.

Boblet was first to climb into the small cupboard. She steadily made her way further in, avoiding the various solid metal obstacles around her. Stripy stayed in the doorway, hanging patiently above the ground.

Something caught Boblet's attention. She swung towards it, scuttled over. It was round, solid. She ignored it, and tried to climb over it. As she passed, it tilted slightly, and then began to roll towards the open door.

It picked up speed, reached the edge, and began falling, knocking Stripy off as it did so.

The grenade hit the floor, and rested there quietly. The pin remained firmly in place.

There was a rumbling, as the ship began to move forward once again, and turn to face home port. The floor tilted, and the grenade rolled again, a moment later out of sight as it disappeared into the depths of the ship.


	9. Chapter 9

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 9**

**65 hours from port. They're moving – Yay!**

"You ready?" ET asked, strapping a gas mask over his face. Bomber nodded, adjusting the nozzle on the fire hydrant in her hands. They were going to test the effects of "Spidacide", a hodgepodge mixture of bicarbonate, crushed garlic, basil, chilli powder, ginger, soy sauce, and what was probably most likely to work against the arachnids, washing up liquid.

"There's one!" Bomber cried, her voice muffled by her own mask. ET swung around and stepped on it. She sighed.

"I wanted you to test the Spidacide!" she growled.

"Oh. Right. Should I do it now?"

"No, now we've got to find a live one."

"Wooh! We're fighting back!"

Bomber unhooked the nozzle of the fire extinguisher and held it out in front of her, doing a pretty good impression of a bad-arse hero in a movie.

"Let's go."

* * *

"Ma'am, you look terrible," Swain said, looking over at Kate. She sighed, running a hand down her face.

"I think, technically, my shift ended four hours ago."

Mike looked up, concerned. "You should get some sleep," he suggested. "We need to be at our peak for this."

She nodded, too tired to argue.

"If a single one of those hairy legged bastards comes into my rack, I will... I'll... scream. Very loudly."

Swain snorted. "Aye ma'am, we'll be sure to keep an ear out."

She gave him a weary glare, and he smiled apologetically. "Get some rest, ma'am."

Kate nodded, and left the bridge.

* * *

"What the _hell_?" called a voice, and ET ducked sideways into the junior sailor's mess. Two seamen were balancing carefully on the table in the middle, looking at his clothes in astonishment.

"Any spiders in here?" he asked, and they shook their heads.

"They were coming up the walls towards us a few hours ago... then they all suddenly disappeared. Last I saw, they were headed towards the galley."

"Wait, there's one!" the second able seaman called, pointing. Bomber spun, saw a Stripy only inches from her left knee, climbing up the inside of the doorway. Without thinking she kicked out, squishing it. ET looked at her strangely.

"The Spidacide test?" he asked, confused. She shrugged.

"Wouldn't want to try it from that sort of close range," she said defensively. He shrugged, and they headed out of the room, back towards the galley.

* * *

"Here you go," Nav crooned to the spiders around her. She lowered a plate, covered in bits of chopped up fish and mince, to the floor, and a cluster of spiders swarmed towards it. She stepped back, watching proudly as they attacked the not-quite-live food.

They were down one end of the galley, and she could see more Boblets and Stripys being drawn towards the feast. It had taken her a while to chop the meat into small enough bits for the spiders to be able to eat, but the sight of Bob's babies all flocking towards the galley was enough of a reward.

Her thoughts started drifting. Really, everyone on the ship was overreacting so badly... Even the boss and the X! She giggled softly to herself, remembering the panic that had occurred in the bridge a few hours ago. _It really looked like he was trying to cop a feel_, she thought, and chuckled out loud. She had long since guessed _something_ was up with those two... but unfortunately, it had turned out to be nothing more than a Boblet on the X's chest.

Suddenly, she heard a noise, and looked up, instantly frowning. At the other end of the galley, two masked figures had just stepped in, holding up fire extinguishers like they were weapons. The was no mistaking the blonde hair of ET, nor the defiant stance of Bomber.

Nav drew herself up, and glared, her hands moving to her hips. "Don't. Even. Think. About. It."

"Nav... don't make this any harder than it already is," ET warned, pointing the end of the fire extinguisher at her. Her eyes widened.

"You wouldn't dare," she hissed.

"Oh, look, she's got them all gathered into one spot for us... fantastic..." Bomber murmured, unhooking her own nozzle. "Nav, I'm sorry for the spiders, but I am getting them out of my galley."

Nav stepped forward, so that she was standing between ET and the spiders. He swallowed.

"Nikki..."

"Josh."

"Step aside."

"No."

"Please."

"Fuck off."

She was distracted by a sudden, long scream. She saw Bomber and ET spin around, and run towards the sound, and a second later, chest tightening, she followed.

* * *

Swain heard the scream from downstairs, seemingly coming from the XO's cabin, and looked around. He was about to make a, "You reckon we should go down and help her?" joke, when he realised the CO had already left his seat and was halfway to the door.

Mike jumped the stairs, shot down the hall, and pulled open the door to Kate's cabin. The scream had died, but she was standing stock still in the centre of the room, trembling.

"Spider?" he asked nervously. She nodded slowly. "Where?"

"It just went down my shirt," she whispered.

All hell broke loose; Kate started jumping up and down, as Mike lunged forward, trying to help but not really doing much. Eventually, his fingers caught the buttons on her overalls and as he pulled, they popped open, exposing her white t-shirt. Underneath, he could see a medium sized lump crawling around. Kate was screaming again.

He hauled her shirt up and over her head, hoping that the Boblet would go with it, but no, it remained stuck to her bra. He swatted at it, while Kate tried to push him away, looking for a folder or other sharp implement she could use to kill it.

One venturing hand hit Mike in the stomach, and he doubled over, winded. The sound of someone approaching along the corridor outside caused him to try and turn, but his foot collided with Kate's desk, and he stumbled. He tried to keep his balance, but the only thing in the vicinity was Kate, who still had a spider clinging to her for dear life. He started to fall, and she reached out both arms, grabbing him around the waist. His forehead bumped against hers, and he grabbed her shoulders in a vain attempt to stop their lips mashing together.

To this sight, half the crew arrived. Pulling her lips away from his in surprise, Kate looked up at the audience outside her door, each person clamouring for a better view. As she did, her hands released Mike's waist, but he was still off balance, and his arms were still on her shoulders. With a crash, they fell to the floor.

For a moment, there was silence, as the two officers gazed upwards at the open doorway. It was Nav who recovered first.

"I could have forgiven the misdemeanour in the bridge, but what do you call _this_?!" she shrieked, pointing at them unnecessarily. Kate suddenly remembered that she wasn't wearing anything more than a bra.

Which brought her thoughts back to the Boblet in question, who had mysteriously disappeared. With an embarrassed cough, she pulled herself upright, leaving Mike on the floor. The bottom half of her overalls, now unsupported, were sliding down her legs.

Standing in little more than her underclothes, she thinned her lips and put her hands on her hips.

"Well?" she asked. Nav was still staring at her, wide eyed – as were several of the boys, though probably for a different reason.

There was a sudden yelp, as Swain was shoved out of his position in the doorway by ET – brandishing a fire extinguisher, of all things. Ignoring the semi-naked X, his alert eyes saw the Boblet scurrying across the wall next to her, and he fired.

There was a hiss, a squelching, squirting sound, and a brick of discoloured water hit the spider. For a moment, there was silence. Then what appeared to be a soapy explosion, as thick bubbles sprayed around the room.

Another moment passed. And then, without a sound, the spider dropped from the wall, landing on its back. Gingerly, the X nudged it with one boot. It didn't move.

There was an enraged shriek from Nav, and a cheer from everyone else. Bomber proudly started explaining about their Spidacide, and the group turned to congratulate ET – but he wasn't there. Neither was Nav.

* * *

Kate pulled her overalls back on as she ran down the corridor. Jumping down the stairs after the CO and Swain, they emerged onto the back deck. Pressed up against the railing was ET, holding the fire extinguisher out in front of him, the only obstacle between Nav and his vulnerable body.

"Give it to me," Nav growled, reaching for the Spidacide tank, but he carefully swung it away from her clawing hands. "Give it to me, you bastard!" she yelled, trying to step closer, her path blocked as he repositioned the fire extinguisher between them.

"Nav, let him go," Mike called, stepping forward. She turned a pair of blazing eyes on him.

"Did you _see_ that? Did you? It was monstrous! I could have saved her, no problem! And he, he, he _blasts_ it with... what the _hell_ is that?"

ET had tried to take advantage of her rant by slipping around her, but she caught movement out of the corner of her eye, and spun back around to stop him. Something glinted behind her eyes, and he swallowed.

"Nikki," he squeaked, pointing the nozzle at her chest. She grinned wolfishly.

"Give it to my, _now_, or I tell them..." she hissed, one finger pointing first at him, then at the officers behind them. He gulped.

"You're not serious..." he whispered, eyes widening.

She nodded. "I will tell them _everything_. And you, you will be in so much trouble, you'll –"

"You tell them that, you'll be in just as much trouble!" he replied. Her eyes narrowed.

"I think it's worth it."

She took half a step forward, but no further – the nozzle now resting against her chest. ET's eyes flickered to something behind her.

"Don't tempt me, Josh," she snapped, reaching out to grab the fire extinguisher. "You know that once the words leave my mouth, they'll get back to Bomber eventually."

He didn't reply, his gaze caught by something else. He pushed her aside, and quickly Spidacided a Stripy attempting to crawl into the RHIB. An inhuman growl came from Nav, and she turned to face the group who had gathered to watch the spectacle.

"ET's been stealing Tim-Tams from the galley!" she yelled loudly. "He's been going in at night and taking the ones at the back so no-one would notice –"

Bomber had arrived to hear her proclamation. Slowly, she turned on one heel to face ET.

"You've been _what_?" she asked, her voice low. She dropped her Spidacide tank, and stepped towards ET. "You ask me to help you with your anti-arachnid crusade, and all the while..."

"It was for Nav!" he choked out, casting a look at the other crew members, a silent plea for help. "I swear, they were all for her! But she didn't have the night watch so she couldn't get away with it! She _asked_ me to do it!"

He could see his excuses were getting him nowhere. He started to shake, the look in Bomber's eye as dangerous as was possible. Suddenly, he had another thought.

"Who's driving the ship?" he asked. Confused, Bomber stopped, looking quizzically at the group behind her. The Captain and Swain exchanged a horrified look, and the latter immediately ran inside, heading for the bridge. Mike paused, his gaze resting on Bomber and ET.

"You two, up, now. And bring those things!" he called, pointing once at the Spidacide tanks, then running after Swain.

* * *

"What do you reckon's happening?" RO asked wearily, leaning back against the nearest rack. Spider shrugged.

"Dunno. I'm still hungry."

"They're not coming," Dan added fearfully. "They've all been taken out by the spiders, and the spiders are now running the ship!"

"See, that's just stupid," RO muttered. "The spiders can't take over the ship."

"How do you know? Where are they, then? We haven't heard a single other person in _hours_!"

They'd lifted a couple more messages towards the camera, most reading "_??_", but had received no answer.

"What about that scream?" Spider asked. "I heard a scream."

RO patted him on the shoulder. "I don't think that counts as evidence that the crew are alive and well."

The threesome sighed heavily. Spider had an unsoiled blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and clutched it tighter.

"We're moving," he said positively. "And that can't be the spiders. Just can't be."

"Let's just hope we're moving in the right direction," RO muttered, and once more, austere fell silent.


	10. Chapter 10

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 10**

***64 hours from port.***

Lugging his tank of Spidacide behind him, ET warily headed back to the galley while everyone else ran up to the bridge. He had a feeling the only way he was going to get back on Bomber's good side would be to clear the galley of spiders.

But when he got there, he was dismayed to find only a few dozen left. They had finished their meals and redispersed themselves around the ship. Grumbling to himself, he unhooked the nozzle of his Spidacide tank, and quickly polished off all the spiders in sight.

***

"The moment has come. We have to accept the possibility that we are now the only ones alive on the ship."

Spider and Dan nodded seriously, and RO continued.

"The spiders are a real and dangerous threat. We have to assume that the ship is ours, and that survival now rests solely in our hands."

They nodded again. RO punched one fisted hand into the other.

"Right. Are you ready to fight for your life, for your ship, and for your species?"

They shook their heads sadly. For a moment, RO looked perplexed, and then he shrugged.

"Okay then. That's a valid argument, too."

"I'm still hungry," Dan whined. Spider nodded.

"Yeah, it's been a while. You don't reckon we should risk it?"

RO considered. "Maybe. If we move fast, arm ourselves as best we can, and follow an in-out tactical procedure, it might just work."

"That should be fine," Dan agreed. "I'll stay here. Because, you know, you need someone to guard the fort."

RO narrowed his eyes, and turned to Spider. "He has a point. It's up to you, mate."

Spider glared. "So if it's not Dan, why does that automatically mean it's me?"

"Because," RO snapped, "I'm higher ranked than you are. And I say you go."

For a few moments, there was silence, and the air crackled with tension, as the two men sized one another up. Then, at some unspoken single, both held out their balled fists.

"On three," Spider growled, and RO nodded. They moved their hands up and down three time, then splayed their fingers.

"Oh yeah, scissors beats paper!" Spider whooped. "Up to you Robbie."

"It's Robert." The retort had become habit, and RO said it without thinking. Dan and Spider just stared at him. Suddenly his face paled, as he realised what Spider's words meant. "Right, um, okay. You two be careful. Don't let anyone in. Especially not the spiders."

RO cautiously made his way to the door, and began to turn the handle. For a moment, he paused, and looked back at the nervous faces behind him.

"If something happens to me out there... good luck and Godspeed."

***

The corridors were deserted. RO carefully passed through the engine room, shuddering at the spider fragments stuck to the walls around him. The eerie stillness caused the hairs on the back of his neck to rise, and he slapped at them. Their motion felt like the touch of several hairy legs, crawling round around his neck...

He made his way upstairs, moving slowly but surely towards the galley. His heart was racing. His palms were sweaty. But he was nearly there.

Bracing himself for the sight of spiders (possibly swarming over poor Bomber, who would have fought them to the end) RO rounded the corner. His jaw dropped open with fear and shock. It was indescribable. A horror that couldn't possibly be from this planet. A monster so strange and primitive he wasn't sure he'd ever get the image out of his head.

ET, wearing the stupidest outfit RO had ever seen. And, considering it was ET, that was pretty stupid.

"Hey RO, finally come to join the party?" ET asked, pulling off his gas mask.

"What... are you..."

ET patted the tank strapped to his back. "Spidacide, mate. It's very effective. Turns the bastards into bubbly piles of goo."

"Okay. I'm just going to..."

RO inched towards the ratpacks lying on the bench. Whoever had been fetching them earlier must have been attacked by spiders before they could take them to austere. He felt a moment of pity for whoever it was, but then remembered the "fast in-out", and reached out to grab them.

"Uh, RO... don't move."

Grabbing the food, RO dashed for the door. A second later, he realised the meaning behind ET's warning. Between two of the bags was a very large, reasonably angry Stripy.

There was time for a quick shriek, then RO dropped the ratpacks and ran. It was too late. The Stripy had scuttled forward onto his hand, and was now climbing up his arm.

"RO, don't move!" ET called, quickly aiming the tank of Spidacide at him.

Feeling hairy legs making their way up towards his neck, RO dropped what he was holding and bolted for the nearest exit.

***

"Everything appears to be under control,"Charge announced, grinning. Relieved smiles broke over the faces of the assembled crew, and a few clapped.

"We just aim for port and hope they don't have time to regroup," the CO said grimly.

"Spider!" called Kate, pointing at the controls. Boblet had come down again.

"Get her!" Swain shouted, and Bomber quickly whipped her Spidacide nozzle towards the arachnid.

"Bomber, no!" Nav shouted, jumping forward to push the Boblet out of the way. The spray of Spidacide hit the control panel behind them, and the ship responded to the instruction with a sudden, sharp turn.

***

RO struggled with the closed hatch for a moment, before emerging onto the deck, slapping at his arms and neck, while the Stripy desperately tried to navigate around the blows. ET rushed up behind him, aiming at the spider, but he couldn't get a clear shot.

Shrugging, he aimed in the general direction of RO's back, and fired. RO staggered forwards at the impact, stopping himself next to the railing. Something smelt suspiciously like soy sauce, and he turned around to glare at ET, the Stripy momentarily forgotten.

"I got the bastard," ET said with a grin, waiting for the expected praise and thanks.

"What is _in_ that?" RO spluttered, wiping at the back of his neck, anxiously feeling for anything spider-shaped.

ET proudly began to detail the recipe, when the ship suddenly turned, hard and sharp, to the right. Already off balance, RO staggered backwards, hit the railing, and then _kept_ falling – over the top of the railing.

And into the water.


	11. Chapter 11

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 11**

***63 hours from port***

Back on dry land – well, _ship_ – with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders to warm and dry him, RO glared at the three people standing on deck.

"We thought you were all _dead_," he sniffed. "Sp- Billy and Dan kicked me out to find out what was going on." He left out the fact that it had been his own hunger that had eventually driven him to leave the shelter of austere. "But no. You've been running around blowing things up and concocting – what was it?"

"Spidacide?" ET suggested helpfully.

Scowling, RO nodded. "That's it. _Spidacide_. Furthermore, I thought we were in a war… so why is Nav helping the spiders before us?"

"Someone needs to," Nav reproached, crossing her arms.

Nearby, Mike rolled his eyes. "No-one needs to look out for the spiders. They're doing fine on their own."

As soon as RO fell overboard, ET had called for help. With only a little trouble from the bridge-Boblet, the CO had stopped the ship and sent the port-side RHIB after the disgusted sailor. Now he, RO, ET and Nav stood beside the railing, prepared in case the movement of the ship sent someone else overboard.

"See, in any other war, we'd be calling her a traitor. Helping the enemy. Putting the lives of your fellow sailors behind that of a _different species._ Making –"

"Yes, RO, we get it," ET broke in. "And you're one of the cowards hiding in austere."

RO gaped at him for a moment, before standing brusquely, the towel falling from his shoulders. But before a new argument could start, the X came outside, her expression grim.

"Sir? We have a problem."

Mike and Nav immediately jumped to attention, while RO groaned in dismay.

***

"I was just thinking that we haven't heard from Commander Marshall in seven hours. And he said he'd call back. I checked the comms – internals are fine, but the satphone is dead."

Back in the bridge, Mike sighed and quickly checked the radio for himself.

"Well, it looks like you won't be needing me, so I'll just..." RO began to back out, his gaze fixed on the Boblet above the helm. His lip curled at the realisation that this spider had caused him to fall overboard.

Mike rolled his eyes, and waved him away. Not wanting to give the captain a chance to change his mind, RO quickly made his escape, warily watching the walls and ceilings for any signs of arachnids.

Whereas a few hours ago they had been crawling over every visible space, now the corridors were empty. He ducked nervously into the galley to grab the food – after all that had happened, he wasn't going to make it a wasted trip.

A flash of movement caught his eye, and he turned, chest tightening. A small Stripy – small only in comparison to its brothers – sat above the microwave, seemingly watching him. RO froze, caught between the urges of running, screaming, and whacking.

He took a step towards escape, and the Stripy locked onto the movement. Two large black eyes glittered, while another six, much smaller, blobs dotted its face.

"Robert..."

He couldn't see its mouth, but the hiss had come from the spider.

"Yes?" he squeaked, too astonished to do anything other than respond obediently.

"I smell your fear, Robert. I smell your blood..."

Sheer terror crossed RO's face. He couldn't move. The spider spoke with a soft, slow voice, its words enunciated perfectly.

"Please don't eat me," RO whispered, staring at the spider. It took a jerky step forward, then another, climbing down the face of the microwave.

"But you look so _tasty_..."

"Who are you? How can you talk?"

RO tried for a step backwards, but was already as far back as he could get. To escape, he'd have to run straight past the Stripy.

"I am Galesh, ruler of the arachnids. My inferior size gives me the ability to speak your language."

The Stripy continued down, hitting the door of the microwave. With a clunk, it popped open, and RO took his chance. He leapt forward, used the bag in his hand to push the spider backwards and closed the microwave door. Seeing it rear up in anger on the other side of the glass, he pressed start.

"I rule _you_, Galesh!" RO cried, watching the spider flail for a moment before beginning to bleed a thick yellow-green ooze.

Unrestrained laughter came from his left. Puzzled, RO looked over, to see Bomber in hysterics on the floor.

"You actually... believed... Galesh..." she gasped. "My ventriloquism's getting heaps better, isn't it?" she added gleefully. Scowling, RO ignored the splattered mess inside the microwave and made his escape.

"That's for running off!" Bomber called after him, still quivering with laughter.

***

"How long have they been down?" Mike asked, concerned.

Kate shook her head. "No idea. We haven't had any contact since Marshall called, so... less than seven hours."

"ET, any idea what's causing this?"

"Nope. The wiring looks fine so far as the comms are concerned. I could go out and check the antenna..."

"How did the spiders get onto the antenna?"

"No-one said the spiders did it," Nav cut in. "Antenna went down by itself. Would have happened whatever was happening in here."

Mike paused. He didn't have the conviction or energy to argue.

"Also, we should check what's happening in the comcen," ET pointed out.

The group exchanged a wary glance. "The comcen's full of spiders," Kate stated.

"We'll have to start clearing them out, then," Mike said grimly.

Kate shrugged innocently. "Well, I'd just love to help, but I'm not on watch at the moment..."

"So you're going to go back to your cabin now?" Mike asked, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

"Maybe," she replied nervously. ET sniggered, remembering what had happened last time she'd tried to get some rest, and she glared at him.

"Alright, I'll make you a deal, X. We clear the comcen, then start clearing the cabins. Lord knows we're all going to need what sleep we can get over the next few days."

***

"What happened? Are they alive?"

"The crew is just fine," RO told Spider sourly, checking the doorway to make sure no spiders had slipped through after him. "As for the spiders, Nav's still trying to protect them, the CO's still running away from them but pretending he's not, and ET's being an idiot – nothing unusual there." He sat down, his overalls still uncomfortably wet.

"You didn't get a radio," Dan said reproachfully.

RO glared at him. "I risked life and limb out there to get you two cowards something to eat. So if you want a radio, you can damn well get it yourself."

Spider looked at Dan hopefully. "And get a pack of cards while you're out."

Dan simply glared at the two of them, grabbed one of the ration packs, and sat down.

***

Stripy walked quickly along the corridor. He was _starving_! Unfortunately, by the time he had heard of the free food in the galley and worked out where the galley _was_, there was nothing left. Disgusted, he had moved on, just in time to escape ET's attack.

Listening carefully to the vibrations of the ship, he was able to determine the location of several other arachnids. Driven by hunger, he followed the scent/sound path, and came to a closed door. He tried to find a way in, but after a few minutes gave up, frustrated.

Then he caught the traces of recent Boblet movement. But no. No time for Boblets now. Find food first.

Yes! Another Stripy had come down here, not too long ago. Stripy carefully followed the path, eager to find food.

Something caught his eye. It was a little smaller than him, a round blob. Curious, he swatted at it, and tried to climb over it, but his motion caused it to go spinning off down the hallway.

_Food_, he reminded himself. As he walked off, he didn't notice the loose grenade roll through an open doorway, the pin still firmly in place.


	12. Chapter 12

I'm trying to get some more of my fics up here... but it's slow. If you're really after SP fics, recommend you go to the fansite.

* * *

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 12**

***62 hours from port***

"ET!" Nav yelled, causing the other sailors in the bridge to look at her.

ET frowned. "What?"

"Not you," she snorted, rolling her eyes. She was holding a plastic bag in one hand, and pulled out a round coil of black tape. "Electrical Tape."

For a few seconds there was silence. "Fantastic," ET eventually said, clapping twice. "We have electrical tape. All our problems are solved. Except the spider one."

Nav sighed loudly, still holding up the roll. She cast a look at Kate, who suddenly gasped.

"Yes!" Kate shouted, grabbing the tape. "How much have you got?"

Nav upended the bag on the closest table, revealing over a dozen rolls of tape in various colours.

"One of you want to explain?" Mike asked impatiently.

Kate was already pulling off lengths of tape and wrapping them around the sleeves of her overalls, down near the wrist. "No more spider dance," she replied gleefully, proceeding to wrap the tape around her ankles.

With the tape keeping the fabric pressed against the skin, there would be no way for spiders to crawl up or down. Mike suddenly understood, and leapt forward leapt forward to grab the closet roll of tape. A pink one. He proceeded to wrap it around himself, ignoring the smirks of Nav and Kate.

"For the shirts, we'll just have to do up the buttons as tight as possible," Nav said, and Kate nodded grimly.

As Swain and Charge happily applied some green tape, Nav looked casually out the window of the bridge. Stepping closer, her mouth fell open. Whereas most of the water was a glittering blue on the surface, the area right in front of them was dark.

"Coral in the water ahead!" she called, and quickly evaluated. "Port twenty!"

There was a moment of stillness, before Swain abandoned the tape and moved back towards the helm. The bridge Boblet was still sitting on the controls and, as Swain nervously approached, she calmly wandered back onto the ceiling, her weight just enough to trigger the control she crossed.

Port twenty.

"Very good, Boblet," Nav said calmly, checking that the coral bomby was well to one side of them.

The crew looked at each other, alarmed.

"That was a coincidence, right?" Swain asked, gazing at the spider.

Charge was more concerned with Nav's calmness. "She does know it's not a sailor, right?" he whispered to ET.

"She, Charge. She," Nav replied, turning to face him. He just rolled his eyes.

"I'm getting these spiders off my ship," Mike muttered. He looked at ET and Kate. "We ready to tackle the comcen now?"

ET patted his tank of Spidacide. "Yes, sir."

"How full is that tank?" Kate asked, worried. "That stuff seems pretty effective against them, but..."

ET frowned and held it up to his ear, shaking slightly to hear the slosh of the liquid inside. "I think, so long as we're using it on more than one at once... yeah, we'll have enough."

There was silence for a moment.

"Where's Bomber?" Mike asked, looking around the bridge as if he expected her to suddenly appear. ET shrugged, and the captain sighed. "Well, we need to get this done, so we can't wait for her. Nav?"

"Sir?"

"Go around the ship with the tape. I want everyone wearing it."

Nav nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Charge, Swain? Keep this ship on course for home."

"And the spiders?"

Mike grimaced. "Kill them, catch them, throw them overboard. I don't care." His gaze fell on Nav's copy of the _Australian Defender_. Checking she was out of the bridge, he grabbed the magazine and rolled it up. "ET, X. Let's go."

***

"So. Cabins and comcen," Kate said, standing at the bottom of the stares, looking at the comcen door.

"Clear the cabins by rank," Mike suggested. ET glared.

"He has a point," Kate agreed, reasoning that her cabin would be fairly high up the priority list.

"We should split up," ET muttered, outnumbered.

Mike nodded, but Kate immediately paled. "Split up?" she repeated incredulously. "What happened to teamwork?"

Smirking, Mike raised an eyebrow. "The X doesn't want to go at the spiders alone?"

The two officers stared at each other for a moment, then Kate clenched her teeth and shrugged forcefully. "I was just worried about you two."

ET looked away, too late to hide the snicker.

"So, ET and I will take the comcen, you can start with my cabin," Mike instructed, the half-smirk in his gaze challenging her to protest. "So long as the X isn't afraid of being outnumbered?"

Grimly, Kate took a step towards his cabin, then looked back. "Good luck," she told the two men.

"Kate?" Mike began softly, and her eyes widened slightly. "Scream if you need help."

Rolling her eyes, she stepped into his cabin and shut the door behind her.

***

First thought: _Wow, I really didn't think this through._

ET was the only one armed with Spidacide, and Mike had had the sense to grab the magazine... but she had nothing. Glancing at Mike's desk, nothing weapon-like sprang into view. Grimly, she shifted her weight onto one foot and pulled the boot off the other.

Just in time; a Boblet was sitting on the wall opposite. Nervously checking that the tape was still around her, she inched closer, the boot held aloft.

It wasn't fair, really. The spiders hadn't asked to come aboard – they'd been born here, and probably didn't even like their metallic home. There was no food for them – apart from each other – and they were probably as scared of the humans as vice versa.

Kate sighed, lowering the boot slightly. _Maybe Nav's right, maybe we need to try catching them..._

The Boblet saw the movement, and turned, eight wobbly eyes watching Kate. Then she began to crawl down the wall. Leaping almost half a metre into the air, Kate dived forward and slammed the boot against the wall, before jumping away from the Boblet's oozing remains.

_Or not..._

***

Bomber had, about twenty minutes ago, had a plan.

Now she had a microwave, she had a frypan, and she had a problem.

Recalling how Nav had lured all the spiders into one place by feeding them, Bomber had started creating a mix she affectionately called "Spidacide version 2.0". The idea was, the strong smell of decaying meat would draw the hungry spiders, and they would fall on what appeared to be a banquet, laid out just for them.

As soon as their little arachnid bodies started to digest to food, however... A grim smile touched Bomber's lips, as she stared around the galley. Like rice in pigeons. The bastards would never know what had hit them. It would take them out in their hundreds.

Well, that had been Plan A. Now, she was thinking certain modifications would have to be made.

Because Plan A had worked... very, very well. The galley floor was now a seething mass of spiders. If she had to guess, Bomber would say at least five hundred of them. The smell of Spidacide 2.0 – worse than an FFV full of trochus shells – had drawn the spiders so quickly, Bomber hadn't had time to get out of the way before the first wave had arrived.

She didn't know how long it would take for the poison to kick in. And very soon, the spiders would finish the reasonably large amount she had set out for them.

No doubts as to what they'd do once the food was gone. Look for more. That meant either attacking each other – quite likely – or effortlessly scaling the galley walls and going after the delectable human. Definitely a possibility.

Balanced precariously on the bench, between the microwave and the refrigerator, a sea of spiders between her and the hallway, Bomber had to think of a way out... and fast.

***

Breathing heavily, Kate looked around the CO's cabin. No spiders in sight. She'd started looking under things and behind furniture, and her count now lay at six Boblets. On the plus side, there didn't appear to be any Stripys around. Even though the females were poisonous – according to Nav's spider expert – they were smaller, less aggressive and much easier to squash.

Almost on cue, something moved to Kate's right, and she turned, boot aloft. She bit her lip. A Stripy, about twice as large as the average Boblet.

A knock on the door startled her. "How you doing in there, X?"

"All good, Sir," she replied, inching towards the Stripy. It very quickly locked onto the movement and began edging back towards the desk. If it made it under cover, she would have to reach in there and swat blindly at it.

_I really need Mike for this_, she realised.

"All right. Call if you need anything."

Gritting her teeth, she quickly stomped her still-booted foot between the desk and the Stripy. She could do this fine on her own. The arachnid dodged away, heading for her other foot – the one wearing nothing more than a sock.

_Don't call Mike, don't call Mike, don't call Mike! _

With a shriek, she jumped, a second before the Stripy would have crawled onto her foot. Upon landing, she winced at the feel of a very large lump underneath her bare foot. A large... moving... lump.

"Still all good, Kate?" The smirk was almost audible.

She didn't move. The Stripy tried to crawl away, but her weight was very successfully pinning it to the floor. She wasn't heavy enough to kill it. If she lifted her foot, it would run away – possibly up her pant leg – and she wouldn't be able to kill it. On the bright side, thanks to the electrical tape, the Stripy wouldn't be able to climb up the inside of her overall.

_Don't. Call. Mike._

Okay. There had to be some way of solving this problem on her own. She needed some way of crushing the Stripy as soon as she moved her foot. It squirmed, and she winced again. She could feel the movement of every leg through the fabric of her sock...

_Don't call –_

Her blood suddenly ran cold. She swallowed. The struggling Stripy beneath her foot was forgotten. She now had a much bigger problem.

In the form of a second, much bigger Stripy, coming out from behind the desk.

The Stripy under her foot forcefully tried to bring her attention back to it. It failed. Her attention was now on yet another Boblet, slowly wandering across the floor towards her.

"Mike!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Arachnids on an ACPB, part 13**

***62 hours from port***

"Nav!"

The desperate cry stopped Nav in her tracks, and she peered into the galley. "Woah. Wow." The floor was a sea of brown bodies and hairy legs, as hundreds of spiders crawled over and around one another.

"Little help?"

Nav looked all around the galley, unable to find the owner of the nervous voice. "Bomber?"

"Up. Left."

"What are you doing up there?"

"What do you _think_ I'm doing up here?"

Bomber was perched precariously on the side of the bench. Her left hand was gripping the closest cupboard as she struggled to keep her balance, her right brandishing a frypan at the arachnids trying to climb up towards her. At that moment, a Stripy broke free of the group and started scaling the sink. Bomber promptly flattened it.

"Hmph," Nav muttered, glaring at the remains of the spider. "How'd you get so many friends, anyway?"

Quickly assessing her possible answers, Bomber replied, "Well, I decided that you were right, and I needed to try befriending them. So I gave them some food. But now there's too many and they're coming after me."

Nav stared at her flatly. "I'd like to believe that, Bomber. But I can't imagine that you willingly fed them, after you spent all morning working out bizarre new ways of killing them."

"Well, you explain how I got them all into the galley," Bomber said primly.

With a perplexed frown, Nav looked around the floor. There was a dull _thud_ as Bomber obliterated another Stripy with the frying pan. Then she noticed something... odd.

"Bomber?"

"Yes?"

"That one's not moving." Nav pointed one finger into the galley and, after a moment, Bomber was able to discern the still corpse of a Boblet.

"Yes," she hissed. "Took you long enough, you stupid –" She froze at the look on Nav's face.

"You poisoned them."

"Maybe... yes... just a little bit." Nav's nostrils flared. "Nav, please. Berate me about it later. Right now – hey, no! Nav! Ma'am!"

Open mouthed, Bomber watched the officer walk away. She couldn't remain dumbfounded for long, however; more and more of the writhing mass was stilling, but those that weren't were looking for a way up.

***

They stood back-to-back, weapons raised. They were surrounded, and there wasn't even the slightest chance of fighting their way out. But they wouldn't give in.

"It's been a pleasure serving under you, sir," Kate said grimly. All the spiders she could see clicked their fangs together, apparently laughing at the predicament of the humans.

"And I love working above you," Mike replied, a smirk touching his lips.

Kate rolled her eyes, then swallowed. "Let's go down fighting," she snarled, and the spiders laughed again.

"Yep. We're taking as many of these bastards with us as we can. But first..." He swung around to face her, his deep blue eyes glinting passionately. "I want to kiss you."

She blinked. Well, why not?

"Kate?"

"I want to kiss you, too," she murmured, leaning forwards.

There was the briefest touch of soft skin against her lips; then she heard a startled, "Ma'am?"

She blinked, frowned. Swain stared into her face, one eye flickering with a strange brightness. Oh no, that wasn't his eye... a torch. She squinted, shoving the bright light away from her face.

"What?" she asked, pushing herself up. She was in the bridge, on her back, Swain leaning over her. The last thing she remembered was Mike saving her from the massive Stripy... well, not _saving _her. She could have dealt with it. But, as it was...

"You fainted," Swain informed her.

"No," she retorted. A nearby snort alerted her to the presence of the captain. "When? Why?"

"I brought you up here to see Swain after I saved you from the Stripy," Mike said helpfully.

She glared. "You didn't _save_ me."

"Alright. I arrived in time to see you singlehandedly take on three approaching arachnids, then you collapsed."

"Probably exhaustion," Swain said, answering before she could ask the question. "Because of the early morning watch, you've been up since 0400 this morning. That's fourteen hours with no rest and no food."

Sitting up, she pushed a hand to her forehead and muttered a denial. "Everyone's in the same boat, literally. And I've had longer shifts, before..."

"Maybe you're coming down with something," Mike suggested, voice low with concern. He quickly stepped forward, resting the back of one hand against her cheek.

She promptly pushed him away, lifting herself to her feet. Swain opened a mouth to protest, but she spoke first. "The ship is infested with spiders, and the XO gets sick. Not happening."

"Ma'am, you should really take it easy..." Swain insisted. "Now, any double vision? Nausea? Dizziness?"

Kate was unable to fix a glare to her face, so moved her hands to cover her eyes. "Headache."

"Felt unwell recently?"

"No."

"Not a spider bite, is it?" Mike asked dubiously, one eye on Kate and the other aimed out the front of the bridge.

"Are there any points of excruciating pain?" Swain checked. Sighing, Kate shook her head. "Any chance that you could be pregnant?"

"No!"

There was a moment of silence. Swain and Kate each raised an eyebrow at the captain, who grimaced, and looked as if he would rather be facing the entire force of spiders alone and unarmed.

"I think he was asking me," Kate said eventually. Mike looked down. "And no."

At that moment ET burst into the bridge, grinning. "Comcen's clear," he announced. Then caught sight of the trio's faces and hesitated. "I, uhm... you can try sending an email now."

The awkward silence stretched out for a few more moments, before Mike cleared his throat. "ET, the X fainted. How about you go get some water."

"Yes, boss," ET replied immediately, relieved to be given an escape route. Nearby, Kate sat down on the closest table, once again glaring at the word 'fainted'.

"Leave the Spidacide," Mike instructed as ET turned to leave. "I'll need it." Nodding, ET carefully detached himself from the tank, and placed it on the floor; the mask had long since disappeared. After he had left, Mike continued. "I'm going to get back to clearing out the cabins. I'll do yours next, X, and then you can get some sleep. In the meantime, you and Swain take the ship, keep us heading for port."

Kate's first reaction was to snap back that she didn't need sleep. The headache chose that moment to pound painfully and, with a sigh, she bit back the words. "Where'd Charge go?" she asked instead, for the first time realising the engineer was no longer in the bridge.

"Went to check that the spiders weren't returning to the engine room," Swain replied, moving to sit at the helm. "He said he'd look in on the austere boys while he was down there."

***

Halfway down the stairs, ET paused. Water. Galley. Oh... spiders. Grimacing, he moved forwards. There would probably only be a few, and he could easily squish them... if only the boss hadn't taken his Spidacide...

"ET! Help!"

He frowned, tried to see where the high pitched voice was coming from. "Bomber?"

"I'm on the bench at the end," she called, and he moved towards the galley door.

Looking inside, he stopped, aghast. "Bomber?" he repeated, unable to take his gaze away from the hulking mass of spiders. There had to be hundreds, possibly even a thousand.

"Help, please?" Finally lifting his gaze, he saw her crouched on the bench halfway along the length of the galley. Apart from the spiders on the floor – some of which, he now noticed, weren't moving – there were also over a dozen beginning to make their way up towards Bomber. Even though it was easy to dispatch a spider or even several as they approached, sheer numbers would soon overwhelm her.

"What the hell happened, Bomb?"

"Fabulous invention called Spidacide two-point-oh," she replied, using a rather dented frypan to flatten an approaching Boblet. "Help me out of here and I'll tell you all about it."

"Any suggestions?" he asked, absently shoving away a Stripy which had decided to check out the new arrival. "Maybe they'll go away..."

"Some might," Bomber growled. "But not enough."

"Okay, okay... I'll think of something..."

"I don't have time for you to stand there thinking!"

"This many of them... we need something... grenade!"

"No, no, ET! ET!" It was too late. As soon as the thought of a small round explosive device entered his head, ET was gone. "You can't use a grenade without blowing _me_ up!" Bomber hissed after him, and viciously decapitated the next arachnid to come her way.

***

It wasn't until he was in the armoury that ET realised he needed a key for the gun cabinet. By the time the thought had fully penetrated his mind, however, his hand was already on the door, and it was... swinging open. He frowned. Hadn't he locked it earlier? No, Nav had locked it. Or not, obviously...

Choosing not to look this gift horse in the mouth, he eagerly looked for the remaining grenade. And found the horse decidedly toothless. There were guns – but they wouldn't help. Or would they? He pondered for a moment before dismissing the notion. Loading a gun would be just asking for trouble.

But that didn't solve his – and Bomber's – problem. _Hurry!_ he told himself sharply. There was nothing here, so he needed a new plan – and fast.

_Look at the problem._ Okay. Many spiders which all needed to be killed. He needed a WMSD. An explosive WMSD. But there was no grenade. _So make one._ With what? Fuel? Could he somehow get fuel from the engines and set it on fire... No, they needed the fuel.

_Think! _he commanded himself. His brain felt like sludge, he needed something to... The answer came to him in a flash of genius. Turning on his heel, he ran back towards the galley.

"Bomber!" he called as he approached.

"Please tell me you have an idea," she muttered. Several dozen spiders were now scaling the bench, and Bomber was clearly flat-out keeping them away.

"Can you reach into the fridge from there?"

"I can try, what for?"

"I need beer."

***

Satisfied with his inspection of the engines, Charge knocked on the door to austere. "How you boys doing in there?" he called, unable to hide the amusement in his voice.

"We're good," came RO's muffled voice. "Are the spiders gone yet?"

"Well, they seem to be avoiding the engine room." He paused for a moment. "Can you open the door?"

"Why?" RO asked cynically.

"I need to get into aft steering and check that everything's on track in there."

In the short silence that followed, Charge could almost hear the austere boys considering the problem. He didn't need to check the steering any more than he needed to check what the walls were made of... but he was hoping they didn't know that.

In his pocket, a small Stripy resumed wiggling furiously, looking for a way out of its prison. And then the door to austere began to open.


End file.
